The Misfits vs The Viper
by L1701E
Summary: *Chapter 7 up! Complete!* Crossover w/ GI Joe. Thanks to Red Witch for letting me use her characters. The Misfits, w/ 2 new members, get a new opponent. Read and Review please!
1. Introduction! Meet the Sensational Starr...

The Misfits vs. The Viper  
  
Disclaimer: GI Joe and the Misfits aren't mine. Red Witch owns Althea, Xi, and Trinity. The Starr twins are mine. The other Misfits belong to Marvel.  
  
Hello! L1701E here! I would love to say thanks a lot to Red Witch for letting me borrow the Misfits for this story. I really appreciate it. I hope I did a good job with them. I originally planned to base it on an old GI Joe episode, but it grew into an original adventure. Being a fan of the Red Witch, I thought it would be a great tribute. I hope we could collaborate on a story sometime. On with the story, and enjoy!  
  
Chapter 1: Introduction! Meet the Sensational Starr Brothers!  
  
One beautiful day in the Pit, the Misfits, the GI Joe-trained team of mutants that fight for good, were celebrating. They had recruited two new members: Twin brothers from Los Angeles who were as opposite as night and day. They were also celebrating a new toy the Joes built for them: A "headquarters" where the mutant teens could hang out and have fun. They affectionately referred to it as "The Misfit Clubhouse". It was a red brick building about the size of a firehouse. It had two stories, and inside was plenty of things to do. It had a dartboard with a picture of Cyclops on it (courtesy of Lance), pictures of the Misfits on the walls, various other things, and even a Kiss pinball machine (thanks to one of the new members). Wanda Maximoff, aka the Scarlet Witch, was at a pool table. She was learning how to play pool from one of the new members. He was a handsome young man, around her age, with a mane of long wild black hair and intense brown eyes. He wore a pair of blue jeans with holes cut at the knees, white hi-tops, and a Kiss t-shirt. He also had black biker gloves and a black studded punk bracelet on his right wrist. His most noticeable feature, though, was his strange birthmark. It was a perfect 5-pointed star over his right eye. It made him resemble Paul Stanley a little bit.  
  
"Alright, Wanda. The whole point of the game is to sink more balls than your opponent. You need careful aim, and patience." Wanda smirked at the teen.  
  
"Craig, I'm sure you haven't played this game much. You don't have much patience." The hexcaster quipped. The teen glared at her angrily.  
  
"Don't ever make fun of me." Craig growled.  
  
"No wonder you got the codename Darkstar, yo." A hunched-over kid with long dirty blond hair laughed, wearing a black t-shirt and green jeans. He was watching TV with a girl who had long black hair with blue streaks in it, wearing a blue tank top, black jeans, and her trademark gloves, shell necklace and Chinese coin earrings. "Hey, babe." He nudged the girl. "That guy really knows how to make a good time terrible, huh?"  
  
"Shut up, Toad!" Craig snapped. "You want a pool cue run through you?!?!"  
  
"Craig, calm down!" The black-and-blue haired girl ordered. "He didn't mean it!"  
  
"Stay out of it, Althea!" Craig snapped at her.  
  
"He wasn't trying to make jokes about you, Craig. Right, Barbecue?" A very large teen wearing overalls and a blond Mohawk asked a red-headed Joe. The two were grilling burgers.  
  
"Yeah Craig." The Joe smiled, helping the large teen with the barbecue. Darkstar grumbled under his breath. "Your brother isn't like this."  
  
"My brother is a moron!" Darkstar snapped angrily, his right eye flashing purple. "He thinks he's a musical superstar!"  
  
"Awwww, I'm hurt bro." A playful voice said. The source slid down the fire pole. He looked exactly like Craig, only his star birthmark was purple, and his look was rather glam-influenced, with purple jeans, a Kiss t-shirt, a shredded purple mesh sleeveless shirt over it, leopard-print boots, and teal fingerless gloves with fringe hanging out of them. He also wore long armbands with purple and black tiger print on them. Whereas Craig's brown eyes always shone with intensity, this one's brown eyes sparkled with mischief and playfulness.  
  
"At least I don't look like a 1980s video refugee, Paul." Craig smirked at his brother.  
  
"My fashion indicates my love of having fun, brother." Paul snickered.  
  
"Hard to believe those two are related, Freddy." Barbecue quipped to the large Mohawk-wearing teenager.  
  
"Indeed." Freddy Dukes, aka Blob, agreed. "They are very interesting. They look the same, but are different as night and day. They did live different lives before they were reunited."  
  
"Yeah." Althea laughed. "Craig Allman Starr, the Darkstar, slept in boxes all his life and Paul Stanley Starr, the Starchild, slept in a gold-lined bed."  
  
"Real funny, Wavedancer." Craig grumbled, his right eye flashing purple. "Not my fault I had to scrounge, fight, and suffer in the streets of LA all my life! My stupid parents, whoever they are, abandoned me! Not just that, but I had to find out that I had a twin who lived the good life!"  
  
"Not my fault that I was found by a well-off toymaker!" Paul laughed, patting his twin's shoulder. "Besides, we have it made here. You get to live in a real home for once. Although the X-Men did live in a nice mansion."  
  
"The X-Men are snobs! They want the strongest mutants for themselves!" Craig argued. "You saw how disappointed they were when they found out we joined the Misfits! Especially that blond gal you have a stupid crush on."  
  
"Hey, Tabitha's cool." Paul blushed. "Besides, she wants me. I got a letter back from her today. She even sent a couple of pictures."  
  
"Let me guess, you ain't showin', right?" Toad grinned, while Althea giggled.  
  
"Oh yeah." Paul grinned. "Let's just say you won't see them on the Misfit family album."  
  
"Oh heaven help us." Wanda groaned. Starchild laughed.  
  
"Gimme a break, Wanda." Paul winked. "Not my fault the ladies find me irresistible. Tabitha had a lot of trouble keeping her hands off me. I don't blame her. Being the rocker I am has its advantages."  
  
"Burgers are ready!" Fred cheered. "Get Pietro and Xi off the court over there!" Fred pointed to a silver-haired kid and a snake-like mutant with long blond hair. Pietro was wearing a black t-shirt with a silver lightning bolt on it and blue shorts. Xi, the snake-like Cobra creation, wore a Michael Jordan Wizards jersey and long black pants.  
  
"I'm too fast!" Pietro dribbled, using the super speed his X-Gene had granted him to easily pass Xi's defense and make a basket.  
  
"Not fair, Quicksilver!" Xi snapped. "We agreed to not use our powers!"  
  
"I crossed my fingers." Quicksilver grinned, running a hand through his white hair, grinning. Xi smirked.  
  
"Paul told me a very interesting saying..." Xi laughed as he and Pietro faced off again.  
  
"What's that?" Pietro laughed, dribbling. Xi turned invisible. "Hey!" He looked around frantically. "Xi! Xi! Where are you hey!" The ball suddenly flew out of Pietro's hands, dribbled itself, then flew into the basket. A grinning Xi turned visible.  
  
"I believe it goes, 'Don't get mad. Get even.'" Pietro was about to make a snappy comeback when...  
  
"Fellas! Burgers!" Blob waved to them.  
  
"I'll get you back, Xi." Pietro playfully threatened.  
  
"I'll be waiting, Quickie." Xi pitched him the ball.  
  
"I hope you kids like my burgers." Barbecue grinned as he handed the Misfits each a burger. "Save a couple for Lance. He'll be back in a second."  
  
"Where is the cat-loving rockhead?" Craig asked.  
  
"He went to get his jeep repaired, Darkstar." The Joe fireman said. "After you took a sledgehammer to it."  
  
"Not my fault. I warned him not to call me 'Starface'." Craig smirked. He loved destroying things. "He asked for it." Xi looked at him in a confused manner.  
  
"He didn't mean to insult you." Xi asked the former LA gang member. "You had no reason to destroy his beloved jeep."  
  
"Where I come from, insults meant death." Craig explained. "He was lucky I didn't kill him."  
  
"You don't live in the streets anymore."  
  
"Yeah, but that street mentality is hard to get rid of." Paul laughed. "Don't worry about it, Snakeman."  
  
"Right." Xi took a bite of his burger, and he had a weird look on his face, as he turned red.  
  
"Xi, you okay?" Wanda asked. Xi opened his mouth and a stream of flames flew out.  
  
"Cool!" Paul smiled. "Do it again!"  
  
"These burgers are burning hot!" Xi exclaimed.  
  
"No kidding." Althea sighed. "Barbecue always made them extra hot. Last time, they burned the plates they were on."  
  
"I like them." Blob ate his burgers happily.  
  
"I don't believe it." Quicksilver drawled. "Blob has a cast-iron stomach as well as a cast-iron body. Beautiful."  
  
"Speaking of crazy things, where's Trinity?" Paul looked around. "I haven't seen them all day."  
  
"They went somewhere with Dad." Althea remembered. "SHIELD Headquarters."  
  
"I feel sorry for him." Craig mocked. "I mean, the crazy sailor stuck with his three crazy daughters."  
  
"He took those two total babes with him. One had a thing full of spears and the other had red hair." Paul remembered fondly.  
  
"Lady Jaye and Scarlet, Paul." Blob reminded the Kiss fan. "Hey, I wanna know something." Paul looked over at Wanda. "There's Scarlet and then there's the Scarlet Witch. Has anyone got you two mixed up?"  
  
"Nope." Wanda simply said.  
  
"Cool." Paul smiled. He then whispered to his brother.  
  
"Man, no wonder you dig her." He whispered. Darkstar blushed, his face contorting to anger.  
  
"I do not have a crush on her, Starchild!" Darkstar snapped telepathically through the mental link he shared with his brother.  
  
"Yeah you do! You can't hide anything in your mind from me." Starchild quipped back telepathically.  
  
"Well, I just saw those pictures." Darkstar smirked evilly, continuing the telepathic conversation. Starchild's face paled. "Just kidding."  
  
"I hate you." Paul cut off the link.  
  
"Hey!" Lance entered the "clubhouse" grinning. "I got the jeep fixed. It looks great."  
  
"Lucy, he's home!" Paul called out, doing an impersonation of Ricky Ricardo. Lance shot a glare at Craig.  
  
"Sledgehammer the jeep again, and you will get it."  
  
"Call me 'Starface' again, and you'll be sledgehammered!" Craig spat.  
  
"It was a joke!" Lance cried.  
  
"It wasn't very funny." Craig scowled.  
  
"Boys, calm down." Fred ordered. "Maybe it would be best if you two ignored each other for a while."  
  
"Fine by me." Lance smirked. Barbecue gave the Misfits their burgers and drinks. The mutants sat on the long couches and talked amongst themselves.  
  
"Hey! I got an idea!" Paul jumped up from his seat. "Wanda, My dear brother's been teaching you to play pool, right?"  
  
"Yeah, why?"  
  
"Well, I'll bet that you'll beat Craig in a game of pool."  
  
"Hah!" Craig laughed, leaning against a wall. "Wanda could never beat me! She is an amateur."  
  
"Oh really?" Wanda smirked. "I did learn quickly. I think I'm ready. Unless you don't have the guts."  
  
"I have the guts." Craig raised his head.  
  
"Let's do it then." Wanda walked to the pool table and grabbed a cue. "Well?"  
  
"Ten bucks says you will." Toad laughed.  
  
"Go on Darkstar!" Paul laughed.  
  
"You say you can beat her. Put the money where your big mouth is, Craigy." Lance snickered, receiving a glare from the mutant ex-gang member.  
  
"Grrr..." Darkstar growled, walking to the pool table and grabbing a cue.  
  
"I say Wanda'll win." Althea cheered.  
  
"Darkstar's experienced. No offense, but he's got her beat." Fred said matter-of-factly.  
  
"Wanda can hex Craig to miss." Pietro grinned.  
  
"Darkstar knows trick shots. He hasn't taught Wanda any yet." Xi added. "He showed me some of them."  
  
"Shh..." Barbecue shushed the mutants. "They're about to start."  
  
"You'll be beaten, Wanda." Craig threatened, racking the balls.  
  
"Let's raise the stakes." Wanda grinned. "If I win, you gotta take me out on a date."  
  
"WHAT?!?!" Craig snapped. Paul knew that secretly, Darkstar wanted this. "Ok..." He calmed down and smirked, trying not to blush. "If I win..."  
  
"Make her wear a chicken suit!" Paul yelled. He narrowly dodged a purple laser from his brother's right eye. "Sorry. Sheesh!"  
  
"You gotta...hmm...Go hex Beach Head."  
  
"That's it?" Wanda asked in an are-you-serious tone. "Hex Beach Head. That ain't much."  
  
"Give him a break, he doesn't have much experience with this kind of thing." Paul grinned.  
  
"SHUT UP PAUL!!" Craig snapped angrily.  
  
"Alright, let's just play." Wanda got ready to fire the first shot. She pocketed a ball in the break. "I've been practicing, Craig." She smirked. She ended up pocketing every ball. Poor old Darkstar never got to shoot. "See you at eight, honey." She sat down, and blew him a kiss. A blushing Darkstar growled. Paul got up and ran to his brother.  
  
"Somebody's gonna get some." Paul laughed. Craig threw a punch, but the self-proclaimed superstar ducked. Roadblock, the GI Joe heavy machine gunner who tended to speak in rhyme, walked into the clubhouse.  
  
"Hey kids."  
  
"Hey Roadblock!" They all said. Craig grumbled.  
  
"Darkstar, why do you frown? It's too good a day to be down." Roadblock asked Craig.  
  
"Craig has to date my sister!" Pietro grinned. "She whipped him in a game of pool."  
  
"How was I to know she was practicing behind my back?!?!?!" Darkstar put a fist in Quicksilver's face.  
  
"Calm down!" Toad and Xi got ready to hold the two back.  
  
"Well, the first piece of advice I can give you about a date, is to not be late."  
  
"That makes me feel so much better." Craig grumbled. Paul snickered.  
  
"I wonder how she got so good..." Paul asked innocently. The wheels in Craig's head began to turn in realization.  
  
"YOU!!!" Darkstar snapped angrily, pointing at his twin brother. "You helped her practice!"  
  
"I may have played a couple games with her." Starchild grinned. "I was just trying to get to know the gang better."  
  
"I will kill you!!" Darkstar lunged at Paul, but Barbecue, Roadblock, Lance, Toad, and Xi were holding him back.  
  
"Cover his eye, guys!" Althea loudly reminded, putting her hand over Darkstar's glowing eye. The eye couldn't absorb light under the hand, so Darkstar couldn't use his eye laser. Nor could he use his hypnotic abilities. Paul's eye flashed purple as he stuck out his tongue. After Craig calmed down, the gang released him.  
  
"It didn't matter anyway, guys. I'm invulnerable to Craig's powers. Unfortunately, he's invulnerable to mine." Starchild sighed.  
  
"Twin brothers, twin powers." Toad groaned. "They both have eyeballs that double as purple laser cannons, and they can hypnotize people by looking at them."  
  
"Ever since I met the Starr brothers, I became confused." Xi scratched his head. "I can understand why they are twins. They look exactly alike, except for the colors of their birthmarks. However, why are Pietro and Wanda twins? They don't look alike."  
  
"There are two types of twins, Xi: Identical and Fraternal." Lance explained. "Paul and Craig are identical twins. They look exactly alike. They're often given rhyming names, like Timmy and Jimmy. Wanda and Pietro are fraternal twins. Fraternal twins don't have to look alike. They don't even have to have the same gender." Wanda nodded.  
  
"You weren't kidding, Toad! Lance is a regular encyclopedia." Paul looked at Todd in shock.  
  
"Told you Pauly." Toad grinned.  
  
"Craig, you must learn to control that temper." Barbecue sighed. "I know it has helped you on the streets, but this is different."  
  
"I like my temper." Darkstar's eye flashed. "You got a problem with that? I can make it into a problem if you want that."  
  
"You also have a problem with threatening people, brother." Paul sighed. "I know you had it hard, but look what we got here. We got new friends and a real home."  
  
"I know." Craig said. "Recondo didn't need to take us in." Recondo was the GI Joe who found the Starr brothers. When they joined the Misfits, Recondo took them in. "Why did he take us in? He could've left us to rot."  
  
"Because the Joes aren't like that." Lance said. "They help out all people, not just mutants. We told you the story of Moreauseau, and the Joes were there."  
  
"Horrifying stuff." Roadblock shook his head. "After that, we became determined to never let anything like that happen again. Not all mutants are bad. For example, Paul's crazy and you're just mad." Roadblock laughed playfully.  
  
"Hey!" Paul retorted jokingly. "I ain't crazy. Just a great guitarist." Craig growled at Roadblock's remark but said nothing. He always tended to take lighthearted remarks as grievous insults. Suddenly, Roadblock's Joe- Com watch beeped, indicating he was getting a call.  
  
"Hello?" The Joe answered it.  
  
"How do the kids like the 'clubhouse', Roadblock?" General Hawk's voice could be heard on the other end.  
  
"It's still standing, so they must like it." Roadblock smiled. The kids playfully punched his arms with a collective "Hey!"  
  
"We've gotten a mysterious message from someone known as 'The Viper'."  
  
"The Viper? Someone named Viper? And you make fun of Todd's, Paul's and my codenames, Craig." Blob smiled.  
  
"C'mon, Fred." Craig groaned. "I mean, Toad? Starchild? Blob? A codename should strike fear into the hearts of opponents. Darkstar, my codename, struck fear into the hearts of Los Angelites." Darkstar smirked. Paul laughed quietly.  
  
"You came up with the name because of the black star over your eye." Paul reminded. "My codename came from the man I was named after. Paul Stanley's stage persona was called 'The Starchild', naturally. I thought it was only logical. I think a codename should be reminiscent of the person and/or abilities underneath. Todd's comes from his toad mutation, Fred's well...a real-life blob, no offense."  
  
"None taken. Go on." Fred waved.  
  
"Anyway, Althea's comes her water-manipulating abilities, Lance from his earth-manipulating powers, Wanda's is from her love of red and her hexbolts are like mutant witchcraft."  
  
"How'd you know red's my favorite color?" Wanda asked in amazement.  
  
"You wear red all the time." Craig told her. Paul ignored it all and continued.  
  
"Pietro's comes from his speed and silver hair, Xi...How'd you get yours?" Paul turned to the blond snake-like mutant.  
  
"I was Cobra's creation. I was known as #11. Xi, my name, comes from XI. 11, in Roman numerals." Xi explained. Starchild nodded, understanding.  
  
"Ah." He said. "Daria, Quinn, and Brittany have psychic abilities and they're triplets. So they became Trinity."  
  
"Are you done explaining the codenames, Paul?" Hawk's voice asked from Roadblock's Joe-Com.  
  
"Yeah." Starchild sighed. "I am."  
  
"Finally, he shuts up." Craig rolled his eyes.  
  
"We had a call from this 'Viper' a few minutes ago." Hawk repeated.  
  
"What does it have to do with us?" Lance asked.  
  
"Maybe we have fans. At least I might have fans." Pietro quipped.  
  
"You have fans?" Starchild raised a thin black eyebrow. "You can't even play guitar."  
  
"I got incredible looks!"  
  
"I got style!" Paul claimed. "Not to mention my brother's in love with your sister."  
  
"Leave me outta this!" Craig blushed, snapping at the two egomaniacs. Paul smirked at Craig.  
  
"Think about it Maximoff. If Craig marries Wanda, we'll be brothers-in- law!"  
  
"I DO NOT WANT TO MARRY WANDA!!!" Craig's face turned bright red. Althea laughed and nudged Wanda's shoulder.  
  
"Looks like you got a suitor." The water-manipulator whispered to the hex- caster. Wanda sighed.  
  
"I guess I do..." Wanda shook her head.  
  
"Oh no!" Pietro shook his head and arms. "Nooo way! Noooooo way! No way your anti-social brother is marrying my sister!"  
  
"I DON'T WANT TO MARRY WANDA, YOU MORONS!!!!" Craig yelled at the top of his voice, his eye glowing a dangerous purple.  
  
"Romance, destruction, and comedy. God, I love being a Misfit." Toad smiled.  
  
"Amen to that, brother!" Lance, Fred, and Xi agreed.  
  
"I'M NOT FINISHED, YOU NUTS!!!!" Hawk yelled over the Joe-Com. The Misfits and the Joes immediately shut up.  
  
"Now, as I was saying, "The Viper" relayed a message to the Joes, but appears to be directly to you Misfits. Here's how it goes..."  
  
Who is this "Viper"? What is the message? Does Craig, the Darkstar, have feelings for Wanda? (A/N: Craig: HEY!!!) Find out in part 2 of: The Misfits vs. The Viper! Suggestions for part 2 welcome! 


	2. Food Fight!

The Misfits vs. The Viper  
  
Disclaimer: Red Witch owns Althea and Xi. I own Paul and Craig Starr. The GI Joes and the other Misfits aren't mine. Lance, Toad, Pietro, Freddy and Wanda belong to Marvel.  
  
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Chapter 2:  
  
"All he said was 5, 35." Hawk said through the Joe-Com.  
  
"What do the numbers 5 and 35 have to do with the Misfits?" Roadblock asked.  
  
"I know." Craig smirked. "5 is Paul's mental age and 35 is Blob's IQ."  
  
"Real hilarious, Craig." Blob rolled his eyes.  
  
"Good one, bro." Paul cheered sarcastically. "You just revolutionized comedy."  
  
"They could be map coordinates." Xi reasoned, taking an atlas out of a bookshelf. He laid it on the pool table and turned to a map of the world. "There are only four possibilities: 5 North, 35 East..." The half-man, half- snake pointed out on the map as he talked. "5 North, 35 West...5 South, 35 East...and 5 South, 35 West."  
  
"We'll have to split up and go to four different spots, General." Althea said. "There aren't enough of us for that. My loony sisters are at SHIELD helping fix some things, and Claudius and Barney are only babies."  
  
"We have heard rumors of a Cobra base around 5 South, 35 East." Hawk remembered.  
  
"That's in Antarctica." Xi examined the map. "Why would Cobra have a base there?"  
  
"Maybe they're cookin' up something big." Lance thought.  
  
"Maybe, but why us?" Paul wondered. "Us Misfits are only backup."  
  
"Maybe this 'Viper' feels that only the Misfits can stop whatever Cobra's cooking up. Our mutant abilities do give us an advantage over the regular Joes." Craig crossed his arms and scowled. "I don't trust him. It could be a trap set by Cobra or some anti-mutant group. I have tussled with FOH members in the past. And I never needed my powers to beat them."  
  
"But what if it's real, Craig?" Todd asked. "If Cobra's got a weapon or somethin', yo..."  
  
"Hawk, I don't think..." Barbecue started.  
  
"I know what you're going to say, Barbecue." Hawk finished. "And I agree. The kids might have some trouble there. So I'm asking you and Roadblock to back them up. A couple other Joes will be there as well to help. You Misfits must find out what's going on there and put a stop to it."  
  
"With all the insanity that goes on around you people, I wouldn't be one bit surprised if the Cobra base turns out to be an oversized rest area." Craig grumbled.  
  
"Only one way to find out, bro." Paul smiled. He then formed a horn with his hands and made bugle noises through it. "CHARGE!!!!" Paul ran out of the clubhouse.  
  
"Are you sure he never drank BA's coffee, Craig?" Wanda asked.  
  
"He's always like this, BA's coffee or no BA's coffee." Craig growled.  
  
"Glad to see Paul's excited." Hawk smiled.  
  
"We'll do it." Althea said.  
  
"When the Misfits are around, Cobra's plans are gonna drown!" Toad cheered, following the departed Paul.  
  
"He's definitely been around you waaaaay too long." Pietro sighed at Roadblock. The gourmet chef simply smiled with pride. The other Misfits walked out of the clubhouse and got ready for their mission. Later on, the team of teen mutants and a couple Joes were with them, riding in a special helicopter adapted to the cold. Wild Bill, ace Texan Joe pilot, was behind the controls. They all wore winter clothes.  
  
"I'm cooooooold!" Pietro whined.  
  
"Shut up Maximoff!" Craig snapped.  
  
"If you're so cold Quicksilver, why don't you rub your hands together with your speed?" Xi snickered.  
  
"I'll set myself on fire!" Pietro exclaimed.  
  
"I'll get the marshmallows." Wanda smirked. She looked around and saw the gang. Cover Girl, Spirit, and Roadblock were with them, as was Low Light, a mutant Joe marksman with the ability to turn his body into any substance. They were all talking amongst themselves. Lance was patting his sides in an attempt to stay warm. Paul didn't seem to notice the cold. He was whistling a song Wanda recognized as Kiss's "Rock 'n' Roll All Night". Craig was silent, polishing a police officer's nightstick he had with him. Paul told her that Craig stole it from an LA cop when he was twelve and he had it ever since. She then remembered Paul's joke after it: "My brother proved he feared nothing that day. If you can swipe something from an LA cop and live to tell about it, you are truly without fear." Althea was playing cards with Todd and Xi. Upon closer inspection, Althea and Todd were teaching Xi how to play "Go Fish." Blob was playing with a paddleball. Pietro was trying to take his mind off the cold by taking a nap. His mutant metabolism made it tough though.  
  
"I'm soooo cooooold." The speedster whined loudly. "I'm bundled up like a pair of socks, but I'm still freezing!"  
  
"If I hear you complain one more time, I'm gonna bash your brains in with this nightstick and you'll never have to worry about being cold AGAIN!!" Craig spat venomously.  
  
"Stand down, Darkstar!" Cover Girl ordered sternly.  
  
"I am SICK of hearing that silver-haired baby whine, complain, and moan!" Craig snapped. "How does Wanda put up with him?"  
  
"I am not a baby!" Quicksilver snapped back.  
  
"I got used to it. I learned to ignore it." Wanda sighed. Her face then formed a smirk. "Don't forget our date tonight, Craig." She reminded sweetly. Darkstar started muttering under his breath about the pool game while blushing.  
  
"Don't worry bro." Paul waved, smiling like always. "I can give you some tips." The adult Joes decided to join in the fun.  
  
"Way to go, Darkstar." Low Light smiled. Cover Girl tussled his wild hair.  
  
"I knew you liked Wanda. I could tell from the first moment I saw you see her."  
  
"Love is an incredible thing. Many good things it has been known to bring." Roadblock grinned. Spirit smiled and shook his head in amazement. Darkstar was very uncomfortable and angry. He didn't like being the center of attention. Not like Paul.  
  
"I'M ONLY TAKING WANDA OUT ON A DATE BECAUSE SHE BEAT ME IN A POOL GAME!!! THAT IS IT!!!!" Craig yelled in rage, his eye glowing purple.  
  
"You know you want her." Lance laughed. Paul started singing.  
  
"I've been really tryyyin', bay-beh..." Paul sang, doing a great Marvin Gaye.  
  
"I'M GONNA BLAST YOU CLOWNS!!!" Craig's eye glowed purple, indicating he was about to use his eye laser, but Cover Girl quickly shut it and held it shut.  
  
"Craig! You'll cause a disaster!" She cried out. "We were only having fun."  
  
"I will not be insulted like this!" Craig spat. "I will not be treated with disrespect!"  
  
"Calm down, Darkstar." Blob sat Craig back down. "We're sorry."  
  
"Yeah." Cover Girl said. "I know you're very critical about what people say about you. But you must understand, we weren't trying to make you feel bad. Some jokes do that, but the ones we were making were meant to be funny. Sometimes, it's best to just laugh at yourself. Laugh at your faults."  
  
"Like your bad temper and confrontational nature." Blob smiled. Craig said nothing and crossed his arms.  
  
"Whatever." Darkstar grumbled. He was obviously not in a very good mood.  
  
"Yee-HAH!!!" Wild Bill called out as the chopper landed. "We're near the coordinates, boys and girls! Be careful out there. I'll be waiting if you need backup."  
  
"Thanks, Wild Bill." Cover Girl said. She turned to Xi. "Uh, Xi...Can you...handle the cold?" Cover Girl tried to be delicate.  
  
"I may be part reptilian, but I am warm-blooded. Temperature will not affect my performance." Xi said.  
  
"Just wanted to be sure." The ex-model said. The teens were boarding Snowcats, Joe snowmobiles. Naturally, the adult Joes were piloting. One had Lance, Fred, Xi, Spirit, and Cover Girl, a second had Todd, Paul, Craig, Althea and Roadblock, and a third had Low Light and Pietro inside. The three vehicles moved out and drove on. They drove to the exact coordinates, but found nothing.  
  
"Spirit to Roadblock. Come in Roadblock."  
  
"Roadblock here. Comin' in loud and clear."  
  
"There's nothing here."  
  
"Right. Everybody out!" Roadblock said. The group got out of the vehicles and looked around.  
  
"I don't understand. These are the right coordinates!" Cover Girl checked the map.  
  
"I knew it! I knew he couldn't be trusted!" Craig yelled in anger, kicking the snow. "Now we're here in the middle of freakin' Antarctica, freezing our butts off!"  
  
"Heh." Pietro smirked. "And you said I whine too much."  
  
"Shut up, Maximoff!" Craig pulled his nightstick from his jacket. "You want your skull fractured?"  
  
"Oooh, I'm so scared!" Pietro mocked. Meanwhile, Lance and Low Light were walking around, checking out the Antarctic landscape.  
  
"Beautiful, huh?" Lance asked Low Light.  
  
"Yeah, I guess." The mutant marksman shrugged. He looked around and saw something. "Hey, what's that?" He pointed to a weird rock that was sticking out of the snowy ground. The strange thing about the rock was that the rock had little snow on it. Lance looked over at it and smiled.  
  
"Rockin'!" Avalanche smiled and ran up to the rock, examining it. "It's beautiful!"  
  
"Are you nuts, kid?" Low Light asked Lance.  
  
"Hey, if I can take this rock back, I can send a piece of it to Kitty." Lance pulled with glee, but it wouldn't budge. "Hey, this stupid...wait a minute..." Lance appeared to be concentrating for a second. "This rock ain't talkin' to me!"  
  
"Huh?" Low Light scratched his head.  
  
"When I touch rocks, or the ground, or anything natural, I tend to have psychic flashes at times, like that guy on the Dead Zone. It's like the earth is talking to me."  
  
"You are wearing gloves. Maybe you have to touch it with your bare hands."  
  
"Oh yeah." Lance remembered. "Gimme a hand. I can take this rock and send some of it to Kitty."  
  
"Alright." Low Light sighed. He got on one knee and helped Lance pull, but the rock suddenly glowed a bright blue. "One weird rock."  
  
"No kidding!" Lance quipped. When the rock glowed, a trap elevator activated and went downward, taking Roadblock, the Starr Brothers, Toad, and Wavedancer with it.  
  
"Hey! What the!" Toad yelled as they went down.  
  
"Todd! Althea!" Xi and the others tried to grab them, but they were too late.  
  
"Aw snap!" Roadblock spat. "What's going on?" Craig instinctively held on to his nightstick and looked around quickly. Toad and Althea readied their bo staffs, while Paul's eye glowed.  
  
"Search me, yo." Toad quipped.  
  
"Be careful, guys." Althea warned. "Anything can happen."  
  
"No problem." Paul smiled. "What's the worst that could happen?"  
  
"We could get swarmed by Cobras!" Craig snapped.  
  
"We can take 'em." Paul laughed. "We are good-lookin', super-powered, butt- kickin' machines!" The elevator stopped and an automatic door opened.  
  
"Stay behind me, kids." Roadblock cocked his laser rifle. "Don't want Cobra blastin' off your lids."  
  
"Does he always talk like that?" Craig groaned.  
  
"Yeah." Toad smiled. "That's our Roadblock." The chamber was a big lounge, with tan walls, a dark red carpet, and a huge monitor with a couple tan couches. "Huh? What is this, yo?"  
  
"Maybe it's a Lizard Lounge." Paul quipped. "Ow!" Craig slapped him upside the head.  
  
"Moron." Darkstar growled. Suddenly, a panel on the floor opened and a robot emerged from the panel. It had a head like a light bulb and a goofy smiley face made of lights. "What in the devil is this?" Craig asked impatiently.  
  
"Robot! Cool!" Paul looked it over. "Man, this thing can't even turn into a cool car!"  
  
"What is it?" Toad knocked its head with his fist like a door.  
  
"I know I've seen one of these before..." Althea tried to remember.  
  
"Greetings." The robot said.  
  
"What the-?" Roadblock's eyes bulged.  
  
"It talked!" Paul was taken back.  
  
"Welcome to Cobra Rest and Relaxation Base #9." The robot greeted.  
  
"Now I remember!" Althea grinned.  
  
"I knew it! I KNEW it!" Craig threw his arms up in the air.  
  
"Please enjoy our facilities." The robot made a motion to the monitor. "You can work out in the Cobra Commander Gymnasium." The monitor showed Cobra soldiers working out.  
  
"Boy, and some say Pietro's an egomaniac." Craig slapped his forehead with his palm.  
  
"No kidding." Todd agreed, rolling his eyes. The robot continued.  
  
"Dining facilities are available in the Destro Cafeteria." The monitor changed view to one of soldiers getting food in a cafeteria line.  
  
"I could go for a burger." Paul joked. "I'll hit the place right now. Anyone want anything?"  
  
"I'd love some chocolate cake." Althea laughed, joking along. Craig shook his head.  
  
"Entertainments are held in the Zartan Entertainment Center." The picture changed to a row of dancing girls in pretty dresses. "Tonight, the Cobra Cuties will be performing."  
  
"Good thing Quickie ain't here. He'd have a heart attack." Craig smirked.  
  
"Yeah. He'd be beggin' to see the babes." Paul was quiet for a second, but then he grabbed Roadblock's shirt and started begging. "Pleeeeeeease, let's see the dancing girls!" Todd and Althea laughed.  
  
"You have a girlfriend, moron!" Craig snapped.  
  
"So do you." Paul quipped back.  
  
"WANDA IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!" Craig screamed.  
  
"Calm down, Darkstar." Roadblock said. "Here, getting mad won't get you far. Let's go. Quietly." The GI Joe and four mutants quietly sneaked away. The robot watched them go.  
  
"Have a good time, and drive carefully."  
  
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"Nothing." Spirit examined the area around the trap door. "There is nothing here that could trigger the trap door.  
  
"What the heck caused it to activate then?!?!" Pietro snapped.  
  
"Obviously nothing around the door, genius." Wanda smirked at her speedster brother. Lance appeared to be thinking for a minute. "What're you thinking about, Lance?"  
  
"Well, I saw this weird rock..." Lance remembered. "I was trying to take it out of the ground so I could send it to Kitty."  
  
"Aw man, everywhere we go, Lance has to mention Kitty!" Quicksilver groaned.  
  
"God Avalanche, can't you go five minutes without pining over Kitty?!?!" Wanda grumbled.  
  
"All I said was I wanted to send the rock to her." Lance was confused. "I wasn't pining!"  
  
"Enough!" Low Light groaned. "We were trying to move it when the rock glowed."  
  
"Maybe it was the trigger." Cover Girl deduced. "When Lance and Low Light made the rock glow, it triggered the trapdoor."  
  
"Take us to the rock." Spirit told the marksman.  
  
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"Wow." Paul said in amazement. He, Craig, Toad, Althea, and Roadblock were at the Destro Cafeteria. It was a huge room full of tables like a school cafeteria. Unfortunately, it was full of Cobra soldiers having lunch.  
  
"There must be a couple hundred troops in here." Craig grumbled. "Paul, our hypnotic powers aren't strong enough to deal with that many."  
  
"Maybe they'll be strong enough with some spinach." Paul quipped. Unfortunately, a soldier happened to spot them. "Oh boy."  
  
"Sound the alarm! It's GI Joe!" One soldier ran to an alarm box and sounded it.  
  
"What?" A man in the command module cried out. He had gelled blond hair and looked like a disco dancer, with the Cobra logo on his jacket. He turned on the surveillance camera and saw the four Misfits and Roadblock there. "There's got to be more Joes outside the base!" He yelled into the microphone. "Send out the HISS tanks!" Inside the cafeteria, however, the Cobra soldiers didn't have their weapons, so they had to improvise. They pitched food.  
  
"Nice work bigmouth!" Craig yelled.  
  
"Get down!" Althea ordered. She and Toad flipped a couple round tables up and hid behind them. "I love a good food fight!" She grinned. Paul caught a piece of chocolate cake in mid-air.  
  
"Cake?" He offered Althea the piece.  
  
"Thank you." She took the cake and munched down. Toad stared at her, wanting some. She smiled and kissed his cheek, leaving chocolate lip marks on him.  
  
"How do we take 'em out?" Craig growled. "We can't use our eye beams."  
  
"It's a food fight, Darkstar!" Paul caught a banana and threw it back. "Use the food! We've been in food fights before!"  
  
"Can't we just fight 'em like normal people?" Craig grumbled.  
  
"In this outfit, you must learn to adapt, Darkstar." Roadblock caught a herring. "If you can adapt, you will go very far." The heavy machine gunner smacked an advancing Cobra soldier with the fish. Craig sighed.  
  
"Might as well." He groaned. Darkstar grabbed an apple, and put his head over the makeshift table barricade. "HEY COBRA!!" Craig pitched the apple and it bonked one Cobra soldier in the head.  
  
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"LOOK!!!" Xi pointed ahead of him. Approximately ten HISS tanks advanced on the remaining Joe team, complete with some ground troops covering them.  
  
"Beautiful, just beautiful." Low Light grumbled.  
  
"To the Snowcats!" Spirit ordered.  
  
"Prepare to engage. YO JOE!!!" Cover Girl cried out. Two Snowcats advanced on the HISS tanks, using their superior speed to easily outmaneuver them. Spirit and Low Light were piloting. Cover Girl and the Misfits hid behind the remaining one, taking care of the ground forces.  
  
"Xi! Pietro! Use your invisibility and speed to surprise them!" Lance ordered. He was using earthquakes to disorient them and Wanda used her hexbolts to render their weapons useless.  
  
"No problem!" Xi turned invisible and Pietro used his speed to confuse the soldiers, while the snake mutant used his fists and feet to knock them out cold.  
  
"Let's go!" Cover Girl jumped in the Snowcat. "Roadblock and Spirit will need us!"  
  
"Right!" Lance, Wanda, Pietro, and Xi jumped in and they engaged the tanks.  
  
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"HA HA!!!" Althea laughed as she dodged some fruit while pitching vegetables. "I am the Queen of Food Fights! You can't stop me!" Craig and Paul were throwing bananas like boomerangs, while Roadblock was right in the fray, smacking Cobras left and right with big herrings. Toad threw French bread loaves like spears.  
  
"Enough child's play!" Craig yelled, pulling out his nightstick. Darkstar loudly screamed an animalistic battle cry as he jumped into the fray, bashing skulls in with his nightstick.  
  
"Bro, wait up!" Paul grabbed a couple strings of sausage links and followed his street thug twin, twirling the links like nunchucks, laughing insanely. "Hail to the king, baby! WHOO!!!"  
  
"Are those two nuts?!?!" Toad asked.  
  
"You gotta admit, those Starr brothers have a lot of guts." Wavedancer quipped, rhyming.  
  
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"I want my mommy! WAHHH!!!" Quicksilver whined loudly as the HISS tank sent the Snowcat spinning.  
  
"I think I'm gonna be sick." Lance turned green.  
  
"Whatever you do Lance, don't hurl!" Cover Girl advised. After all the spinning, the snowmobile landed on its side.  
  
"Look at all the pretty colors." Scarlet Witch grinned goofily, her brain temporarily scrambled by the spinning.  
  
"Everybody out!" Cover Girl and the mutants leapt out. She pulled out her laser rifle and fired at the tanks.  
  
"Allow me." A smiling Fred removed a missile from the side and threw it at the tank. The missile hit the tank, making it explode.  
  
"Remind me to introduce you to a Joe named Chuckles." Cover Girl laughed. The others were able to deal with the remaining tanks, after Quicksilver and Avalanche used their speed and earthquakes to disable the machines. However, more HISS tanks arrived.  
  
"Perfect." Xi grumbled.  
  
"Low Light to base. Send some help here!" Low Light yelled into his communicator. A helicopter flew in and started blasting the tanks. "Wild Bill!"  
  
"Yeeeee-HAH!!!" The Texan crowed. "I knew you could use some help here!"  
  
"Thank the Great Spirit." Spirit smiled.  
  
"Let's blast that base! YO JOE!!!" Wild Bill cheered. The snowmobiles and Joe helicopter blasted the base.  
  
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"Well, that was fun." Paul smiled as he looked over the bodies of all the soldiers. Most were unconscious. The remaining were slapped silly.  
  
"Horseradish!" One Cobra chanted in a goofy manner. The roof started to shake and the sound of an explosion was heard.  
  
"That idiot Lance had better not be seizuring again!" Craig grumbled.  
  
"The roof's coming down!" Althea cried.  
  
"Wait!" Roadblock stopped the kids. The roof stopped shaking. It was as if only the floor above them was destroyed.  
  
"Now I'm confused." Paul scratched his head.  
  
"No surprise." Craig smirked. "You're always confused."  
  
"Let's get outta here." Althea said. A Cobra soldier ran around, screaming about butterflies and bananas, obviously smacked stupid by a fish. Craig knocked him out with his nightstick.  
  
"Please." He said. The team quickly got out of the room. Meanwhile, the disco dancer-looking guy was watching this on his monitor.  
  
"Aw man! Those freaks are tough! I'd better get outta here before they catch me!!" The man tried to get out of there. He ran down a hall to an escape jet, but Roadblock caught him.  
  
"Hey!" Roadblock started chasing after him.  
  
"Oh shoot!" The man started running away faster, but Toad was after him too.  
  
"Stay for the party, yo!" Toad fired his long tongue, wrapping it around the man's ankles. He fell down on his face.  
  
"Nice job, Todd!" Roadblock gave him a thumbs up.  
  
"Hankth, Hoadbloch!" Toad tried to smile. The others caught up to him and grabbed him.  
  
"Roadblock to Cover Girl. We found a friend here." Roadblock grinned, grabbing the man. A little later, the Joes and Misfits were fully reunited, and the man was tied to a wall.  
  
"Alright." Craig scowled at the man, brandishing his nightstick. "You will provide me with some information. Who is the Viper? Why did he send us these coordinates?"  
  
"I ain't tellin' no mutie anything!" The man snapped. Craig continued scowling.  
  
"I suppose you won't miss your legs." Craig raised his nightstick, about to bash the man's lower legs to bits, when the Joes stopped him. "LET ME GO NOW!!!"  
  
"That is not the way!" Cover Girl said.  
  
"Yeah." Paul agreed, smiling. "Don't you remember? We have the power to hypnotize people. We can hypnotize him and make him tell us. He'll tell the truth under hypnosis." Paul turned to the man. "This won't hurt a bit." Paul's right eye released a bright flash of purple light, and the man's eyes started glowing a bright purple. He was under Paul's control now. "See? Now tell me." Starchild paused for a second. "Are you an idiot?"  
  
"No, I merely dress like one." The man replied in a monotone voice. Paul burst out laughing.  
  
"Paul Stanley Starr, get the info we need! NOW!" Low Light snapped. A laughing Paul waved at him.  
  
"Alright, alright. Sorry." Paul laughed happily. "Now, who is the Viper?"  
  
"I have never heard of The Viper." The man responded.  
  
"Is he lying?" Spirit raised an eyebrow at the guitar player.  
  
"Nope. He can't under my power." Paul grinned. "Watch this." Starchild turned to the man. "Sing the theme from 'The Greatest American Hero'." The man immediately started singing the song.  
  
"Wow." Lance said. "Really wow. Thank God you guys aren't X-Geeks."  
  
"Nah. Just having an affair with one." Paul quipped.  
  
"Believe it or not, I'm walking on air..." The man sang.  
  
"Oh shut up." Wanda smacked him upside the head.  
  
"Forceful. Your kind of chick, bro." Paul grinned at Craig.  
  
"SHUT UP PAUL!!!" Darkstar snapped.  
  
"Let's go home." Cover Girl sighed. "This has been a weird mission." Unbeknownst to them, a very tiny mechanical fly was watching the Misfits.  
  
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"$*#$(@$*@$^@^%#!@*&#($&@!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Cobra Commander screamed. "VIPER!!!!!" The blue-cowled terrorist leader yelled, pointed at a shadowed muscular figure with a long tail. "Why did you cause my base to be destroyed by those lousy maniac Joes!!!"  
  
"Part of my plan, Commander." The figure responded plainly. "I am observing my prey. Learning the strength and weaknesses of the Misfits. As an assassin, it is my duty to learn about my prey. It makes eliminating them easier, yet...more fun."  
  
"Viper, you may be the greatest assassin alive, but remember, Cobra hired you!" Cobra Commander growled.  
  
"You want these mutants dealt with, they will be dealt with. My way." The figure turned and left. "Those mistakes will be removed. You can be assured of that."  
  
"I hope so. Once they go, the Joes will be badly weakened." Cobra Commander thought. He looked around his office. "Where's my coffee?"  
  
Uh oh! Looks like our merry Misfits are in big trouble! What'll happen next? And will Cobra Commander get his coffee? Find out in Part 3 of: The Misfits vs. The Viper. 


	3. West Point Attack! What's going on here?

The Misfits Vs. The Viper  
  
Disclaimer: Red Witch owns Althea and Xi. I don't own the GI Joes. The ex- Brotherhood is Marvel's. The Starr twins are mine, however.  
  
Dedicated to the memory of former WWE Intercontinental Champion Curt "Mr. Perfect" Hennig. 1958-2003. A great technical wrestler, he will be and is missed by his friends, family, and many, many fans.  
  
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Chapter 3: West Point Attack! What's going on here?  
  
"That was really odd, you guys." Paul Stanley Starr sat on the pool table of the clubhouse, thinking. The other Misfits were there with him. "I mean, why would anyone send us coordinates to a Cobra rest stop?"  
  
"Maybe to make fools out of us." Craig reasoned, staring at his nightstick, leaning against the wall like he normally did. "It definitely was someone's idea of a sick joke. I'd like to find the person behind it and TEAR THE LOUSY..."  
  
For once, I'm with Darkstar." Pietro grumbled. "I nearly froze my beautiful butt off there in Antarctica."  
  
"Too bad we didn't see any penguins. I like penguins." Paul smiled.  
  
"You like penguins." Lance said in a disbelieving tone, looking up at Paul. He, Quicksilver, Xi, Wanda, and Althea were resting on the long couches.  
  
"Yeah." Paul grinned. "Penguins are cool." Lance thought about it for a minute.  
  
"Yeah, I guess you're right. Penguins are kinda cool." Avalanche agreed.  
  
"Do penguins live in the South Pole?" Wanda scratched her head.  
  
"Oh, get off the penguins already!" Craig snapped, wanting to change the subject. "There are more important things to worry about than stupid penguins!"  
  
"Why? Don't you like penguins? They're cute!" Althea asked. Craig growled.  
  
"We have a mysterious 'Viper' to worry about, and you guys would rather discuss penguins!" Craig yelled. "I'm the only person here who is remotely concerned."  
  
"Ladies and Gentlemen! And Craig. The Blob has arrived and brought pizza!" Toad hopped into the clubhouse gleefully, Freddy behind him. Blob was lugging around twelve pizzas.  
  
"What happened, guys?" Blob put the pizzas on a table.  
  
"We were discussing penguins." Xi told him. Craig punched the wall. "Darkstar doesn't like penguins."  
  
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT PENGUINS!!!"  
  
"Yeah, he just cares about Wanda." Paul quipped.  
  
"SHUT UP STARCHILD!!!" Darkstar snapped, blushing.  
  
"Hey, penguins are cool!" Blob smiled, scarfing up a pizza.  
  
"Yeah." Toad remembered. "Too bad you Starrs weren't around when Iceberg had a whole mess of 'em, yo."  
  
"Yeah, those little baby penguins were sooooo cute!" Althea remembered. "We have some pictures of them. Remind me to show them to you two."  
  
"Never seen a baby penguin." Paul grinned. Hawk walked into the clubhouse.  
  
"Hey Misfits. Celebrating?"  
  
"Yeah, we blew up an oversized rest stop with Cobra painted on it. Cause for celebration, alright." Craig cheered sarcastically.  
  
"It's very weird." Xi shook his head. "Very weird."  
  
"Uh-huh." Paul added. "We went all the way to Antarctica and we didn't see a single penguin. What a jip!"  
  
"Penguins. Right." Hawk blinked.  
  
"These idiots are more concerned with stupid penguins than with 'Viper'!" Craig groaned. "I can't stand it!"  
  
"Penguins aren't stupid!" Wanda snapped.  
  
"Whatever." Craig sighed.  
  
"Anyway, 'Viper' sent us another message." Hawk gave a note to Xi, who read it.  
  
"Hmmm..." Xi was confused by the note's message. "Left-most corner."  
  
"Maybe it's code." Lance suggested.  
  
"An anagram of some kind?" Blob wondered out loud.  
  
"What could 'left-most corner' be an anagram for?" Althea scratched her head.  
  
"Ooh!" Paul raised his hand excitedly. "I know! I love anagrams! An anagram for 'left-most corner' is 'Some felt n-corn'. What's n-corn?" Starchild wondered.  
  
"Yeah, you love anagrams, but you're no good at them." Craig told his twin.  
  
"It can't be an anagram." Wanda shook her head. "Doesn't make any sense. Maybe the meaning is hidden in the words themselves. Y'know, the meaning of the words."  
  
"Yeah!" Pietro snapped his fingers. "A corner is where two sides meet."  
  
"But what does he mean by sides, genius!?!" Craig snapped.  
  
"Left-most corner...Left-most corner..." Hawk rubbed his chin. "Kids, do you know any words that mean corner or are similar?"  
  
"What're you getting at, General?" Craig grumbled. "Someone is out there, planning something, and we're here playing word games."  
  
"Wait! I'll get the thesaurus." Toad hopped over to the bookshelf and picked up a blue softcover book. "What'd you want me to look up again?"  
  
"Corner, honey." Althea reminded. Toad licked his finger then quickly flipped through the pages.  
  
"He licked his finger! Now his slime is all over that book!" Pietro groaned.  
  
"Ha ha. Real good, funnyman." Toad drawled in a monotone. "Here, yo!" Hawk and the Misfits gathered around Todd. He pointed out the word. "Another word for corner is...point."  
  
"Point." Xi thought. "Interesting."  
  
"Okay...Now left-most." Lance said.  
  
"West Point." Hawk smirked. "The nation's top military school. There's a whole bunch of generals there today. Come to see the newest cadets' graduation."  
  
"Ya think that's where Cobra would strike next?" Wanda asked.  
  
"Like moths to a flame, Wanda." Craig said.  
  
"Or Lewis and Clark to the Louisiana Territory." Paul laughed. "Don't forget, General. We have to get back early. Craig has to get ready for his date tonight."  
  
"SHUT UP PAUL!!!" Craig snapped, blushing.  
  
"What does all this have to do with penguins?" Lance wondered.  
  
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At the legendary military academy known as West Point, a whole mess of generals and other VIP's were watching the cadets march in unison to a grand brass beat. Unbeknownst to the military folks, a batch of Cobra troops, led by the mercenary Major Sebastian Bludd, was waiting in the bushes beyond to attack. Bludd watched the march through a pair of binoculars.  
  
"Heh. The perfect ambush. Those idiot Joes have no clue that we're here. And if they have no clue, then neither do those stupid mutie pets of theirs." Bludd smirked. "This is gonna be fun." Unfortunatey for Bludd, and fortunately for the unsuspecting generals, the mutant heroes known as the Misfits, as well as Roadblock, Barbecue, Cover Girl and Spirit, were observing the Cobras.  
  
"Right on target." Xi observed the Cobras via binoculars.  
  
"The great hero known as the Starchild, accompanied by his faithful sidekicks, the marvelous Misfits, are here to protect the innocent generals from the evil scourge of Cobra." Starchild said in an announcer-like voice.  
  
"Knock it off." Cover Girl sighed. "So, this Viper was right on. Who knew Cobra would attack West Point?"  
  
"Not me." Lance said.  
  
"Can we beat 'em up now?" Craig asked.  
  
"Not yet. It's Cobra's move. Let them make it." Spirit replied.  
  
"We aren't playing chess with these guys." Paul joked.  
  
"Is it just me, or are your jokes getting worse as time goes by, Paul?" Barbecue smiled.  
  
"Ha ha. Real funny, Fireboy." Paul drawled. He then looked up at Barbecue's helmet. "That helmet makes you look like some metal bird monster, ya know."  
  
"You don't make fun of my helmet, and I won't make fun of your fashion sense." Paul looked at his uniform. It was a purple bodysuit with white boots. A black stripe ran down the center of it, and a silver 5-pointed star was on the chest. His outfit had a purple leather jacket with black sleeves. The sleeves had fringe on them, and they were peppered with purple and silver stars. A silver 5-pointed star was on the back. His brother Craig had a matching outfit, but the black and purple were reversed, and the sleeves of his jacket had no fringe.  
  
"Okay." Paul smiled.  
  
"Look." Wanda pointed out. The Cobras were getting ready to move.  
  
"Everybody get ready." Roadblock ordered. The mutants jumped in a tank that Cover Girl was behind the wheel of. Spirit and Roadblock jumped in ATVs.  
  
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"Attack!" Bludd cried out.  
  
"COOOOOBRAAAA!!!" The troops cried out as the HISS tanks revealed themselves. There were approximately 7 tanks and at least 45 troopers in smaller vehicles.  
  
"What the--?" The generals cried out as the cadets ran.  
  
"YO JOE!!!" Roadblock cried out. The Joes and the Misfits leapt into action, revealing themselves.  
  
"Be careful, kids." Cover Girl told them in a worried voice. "Bludd's dangerous."  
  
"Don't worry, babe." Paul grinned. "If Toad could beat him senseless, we can do the same. MISFITS AWAY!!!" Paul cried out.  
  
"What the--? The mutants?!?!" Bludd wondered. He then caught a glimpse of a familiar one, and his face paled. "Aw man, not the frogboy again!"  
  
"Hey Bludd!!" Todd grinned. "I'm ba-ack!"  
  
"Oh, allow me to introduce ourselves." Paul bowed to Bludd and the generals. "I'm Paul Stanley Starr, the Starchild! Sensational Superstar Extraordinaire! That's my twin brother Craig Allman Starr, the Darkstar! Street thug turned superhero! We are the Sensational Starr Twins!" Craig smacked Paul upside the head. "Hey!"  
  
"You're hopeless!" Craig grumbled.  
  
"Great! Now the Joes have muties on their team!" One general groaned.  
  
"SHUT UP, GRANT!!!" The other generals yelled.  
  
"But they're mutants!" General Grant whined. "What if they kill us?!?" The other generals got up from their seats and started beating up Grant.  
  
"I love the military." Lance laughed.  
  
"This is stupid!" Bludd sighed. "Can we get on with it?!?!"  
  
"I suppose." Althea shrugged. "Let the snake-beating begin!" The Joes and Cobra traded laser shots. Paul, Wanda, and Craig stayed with the vehicles, firing their eye lasers and hexbolts. Todd, Xi, Althea, Fred, and Lance fought the troops hand-to-hand. Pietro and Cover Girl were evacuating the generals.  
  
"Well, hello." Pietro grinned, helping up a beautiful teen girl with short brown hair, a daughter of a general. "Who might you be?"  
  
"Paula Baines." The girl replied.  
  
"Pietro Maximoff. Call me Quicksilver." Pietro kissed her hand.  
  
"Maximoff, help me!" Cover Girl ordered.  
  
"Gotta run, babe." Pietro winked, speeding to Cover Girl. Paula giggled.  
  
"Will you ever stop womanizing, Pietro?" Cover Girl sighed.  
  
"Nope." Quicksilver smiled and shook his head. "Girls have always been my #1 hobby."  
  
"I thought looking in the mirror was your #1 hobby." Cover Girl remarked, flipping a Cobra trooper over with a judo throw. She saw a couple West Point cadets fight a couple Cobras, but they were becoming outnumbered. "Hang on, guys!" The model and the speedster raced over and evened the odds out.  
  
"Thank you." One cadet said.  
  
"T'was nothing." Cover Girl smiled. The other cadet quickly ran behind Pietro and punched out another trooper. "Looks like we're even. We'll need help. You cadets are trained."  
  
"No problem, ma'am. We'll round 'em up." The cadets saluted and ran to gather their comrades. Meanwhile, the Misfits and the Joes managed to demolish most of the Cobra tanks.  
  
"Surrender, Cobra!" Althea called out. "You're done!"  
  
"Never!" Bludd snapped. "There's about 5 of us to every one of you!" Althea smirked.  
  
"The odds are still in our favor, anyway. Besides, there's actually 15 of us to one of you!" Althea waved to emphasize her point. The sound of rifles cocking could be heard as the cadets pointed their rifles at the Cobras. Cover Girl and Pietro ran up to their fellow heroes.  
  
"Glad you finally decided to join the party." Paul waved.  
  
"Sorry we're late. Traffic was murder." Pietro laughed.  
  
"Thanks, Althea." Cover Girl patted her shoulder. "I'll take over from here."  
  
"Be my guest." Althea bowed.  
  
"Okay, Cobra! You have five seconds to surrender!" Cover Girl counted down. "One..." The Cobras kept their weapons ready. "Two..." No change. "Three..." The Cobras started to look around at each other. "Four..." They got more nervous. "Five!"  
  
"We surrender!" The Cobras threw their weapons down and raised their hands up.  
  
"I'd better get outta here!" Bludd disappeared amongst the tank wreckage. The generals and guests cheered. Pietro blew a kiss to the general's daughter he met earlier. Paul rolled his eyes.  
  
"Oh brother." Paul sighed. He looked over at Todd, who was staring at the Cobra tank wreckage intensely. "What's up, my main frog?"  
  
"I didn't get another shot at Bludd." Toad sighed. "I've wanted to finish him off for so long."  
  
"Oh yeah, after that whole thing with Roadblock and the hidden Cobra base, huh?" Paul remembered. "Where you first met Xi, right? And got your acid spit."  
  
"Yeah." Toad remembered. Althea stroked his hair.  
  
"You'll get another shot at him, Toddles." Paul burst out laughing.  
  
"Toddles?!? She calls you Toddles?!?"  
  
"AL!!!!!!" Toad blushed.  
  
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"It's great to be back!" Lance said as the Joes returned to the Pit.  
  
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages...and Craig." Paul boomed in an announcer-type voice.  
  
"Hey!" Craig snapped.  
  
"The Misfits are back in town, baby!" Paul continued, ignoring his brother.  
  
"Home sweet home." Wanda leaned back. "What time is it?" Althea checked her watch.  
  
"1:00 PM."  
  
"Seven hours until my first date! Be ready, Craig." Wanda smirked. Craig started muttering.  
  
"Razzum frazzum stupid pool game..." Craig grumbled. Paul laughed.  
  
"My lucky brother gonna get some sa-weeet lovin' tonight from a sorceress in red, baby! Whoo!" Starchild laughed. Craig punched his arm. "OW!!!"  
  
"I hate you." Craig grumbled.  
  
"He's excited. He don't wanna admit it, but he's excited." Lance quipped, narrowly dodging a laser beam from Craig's right eye, laughing.  
  
"One more word, and you will die, Lance." Craig warned. "Horribly."  
  
"Whatever." Lance waved. "I'm glad I don't have to date Wanda. One false move, and I'd be hexbolt flambé!"  
  
"Take that back!" Wanda yelled, pitching hexbolts at Avalanche.  
  
"WAHHHH!!!" Lance quickly got up and ran off, a hexbolt-pitching Wanda hot on his heels.  
  
"Morons. All morons." Craig grumbled.  
  
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"Hmmm..." In the shadows of Cobra Headquarters, the mutant-killer called Viper was watching the Misfits through the little camera inside the metal fly. "Well. This is interesting. The twin brothers, appropriately, have twin powers. I don't know how they knew about Cobra's little West Point massacre attempt, since none of them appear to possess telepathy. Interesting indeed. I haven't learned the full capabilities of the Misfits yet, but when I do, I will strike. And I will wipe those filthy genetic leftovers off the face of the earth. I have killed mutants with strange and unique abilities, but more still keep coming. I will not stop until all of the mutants are destroyed, starting with the Misfits!"  
  
Man, Viper means business! What'll happen next to everyone's favorite insane, yet lovable gang of reformed merry mutant heroes? Will Viper send them to the great military base in the sky, or will they show him the door? Find out in Part 4 of The Misfits vs. The Viper! 


	4. Building more Trouble!

The Misfits vs. The Viper  
  
Disclaimer: I hate these. Red Witch owns Althea and Xi, the Starrs are mine. GI Joe and the remaining Misfits are owned by other folks and Marvel. To Alison Sky, thanks for the aspirin, but I didn't need it. Owning a Gamecube, N64, Game Boy Advance and PS2 has its advantages. To Celestin, I know about the window wiper bit, but as I said in the first chapter, it evolved into an original adventure, with a real enemy.  
  
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Chapter 4: Building more trouble!  
  
"Ahh, yes." Paul looked at the chess game with glee. "I have you now, Xi. The Force is strong with you, but you cannot withstand the power of the Star Side." Paul grinned, impersonating Darth Vader.  
  
"You must stop hanging around Quick-Kick." Xi examined the chess pieces. He then moved one of his bishops. "Check." Paul moved a rook.  
  
"Not anymore, my friend." Paul smirked, crossing his arms. "Your king will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine." Starchild impersonated Mike Myers as Wayne Campbell. He then switched to Ace Ventura: "You're gonna be a loo-hoo- hoo-serrrr." Xi smiled.  
  
"I don't think so." Xi replied matter-of-factly as he moved a knight. "Checkmate. I win again, Starchild."  
  
"Say whaaaaaaat?!?" Paul leapt up and ran around the board, looking at the pieces in a hyperactive manner. "Now how'd that happen?" He scratched his head in confusion.  
  
"You should work on your strategies instead of your impersonations, Paul." Xi laughed.  
  
"I'll beat you Xi." Paul stared at the board. "One of these days, Xi. One of these days...POW! You're checkmated." Paul mimicked Jackie Gleason.  
  
"You've said that and in 78 games of chess, I have outdone you." Xi smirked. Wanda and Althea ran into the clubhouse, all smiles. "Ladies."  
  
"Hey girls." Paul moped, banging his head on the chessboard.  
  
"Xi whip ya again?" Wanda reasoned.  
  
"78 games, and I still haven't checkmated Snake-dude over here." Paul pointed at Xi. "What're you doin'?"  
  
"We're gonna go shopping." Althea smiled. "Gotta get Wanda something nice for her date."  
  
"Craig isn't gonna like that." Paul sighed. "He doesn't wanna go on this date."  
  
"Yeah." An angry Craig stomped into the clubhouse and leapt on a couch. He laid down, crossed his arms, and muttered. "I am not going shopping with you girls."  
  
"Yes, you are." Althea pointed at him. "You need to get something nice."  
  
"I am not wearing a tuxedo." Craig growled. "They suffocate me."  
  
"You don't wanna wear one because they aren't 'street' wear." Paul interjected.  
  
"I will not dress like a fat rich pig!" Craig exclaimed. "I am a street kid. I will dress like one." Wanda sat down near him.  
  
"You know, you are kinda cute when you pout." Scarlet Witch laughed. A blushing Darkstar pulled up the collar of his jacket and muttered. Althea started laughing.  
  
"Poor, poor Darkstar." She laughed. "Where's Avalanche and Quicksilver?" Paul shrugged.  
  
"I don't know, and I don't care." Craig grumbled. He then looked over at Paul. "Bro, what're you doing?" Paul picked up a beautiful purple guitar with a 5-pointed star-shaped body.  
  
"I'm gonna drown my sorrows in rock." Paul sat down on the pool table, connected it to an amp and started strumming. "I can't find my friend Lancey." Paul sang. "He's with Kitty and Colossus smacked him silly."  
  
"You should sing that song when he's here." Xi laughed. Lance and Pietro walked in, looking like they had the best day ever. "Speak of the devil."  
  
"Hey guys." Paul waved. "Check out this song I wrote." Paul started strumming. "I can't find my friend Lance...He's with Kitty and Colossus smacked him silly..."  
  
"I hate you, Paul. I really hate you." Lance grumbled. Craig smirked.  
  
"My brother has a talent for getting on people's nerves."  
  
"Not my fault I don't want to get involved with your whole 'X-Men sucks' bit." Paul stated. "Besides, you guys hated each other way before me and my brother came along."  
  
"Yeah." Craig concurred. "Your problems with the X-Men are strictly yours. Leave us out of it." Hawk entered the clubhouse, looking around with Freddy behind him.  
  
"I can't believe this place is still standing." Hawk smiled. He turned to Fred. "You kids must really like this place."  
  
"Yeah." Fred smiled. "Love it."  
  
"Hey General!" The Misfits all greeted.  
  
"So, what are you kids discussing this time? The chances of creating world peace with cheese?"  
  
"That was last week." Lance told the general. "We figured cheddar could do the job best."  
  
"Anyway, I got something more interesting for you to talk about." Hawk handed a note to Xi.  
  
"Hmmm...Left-most window, highest floor, highest building." The snake-like mutant read. "Strange."  
  
"Very vague, but what could it mean?" Pietro scratched his head.  
  
"Well, the tallest building in the world is...uh...What's it called again? Extended Enterprises?"  
  
"Extensive Enterprises, Paul." Blob corrected. "Cobra owns that building."  
  
"Yeah." Craig growled, his eye flashing. "Tomax and Xamot are the twins in charge. We've wanted a chance to tussle with those two Crimson Guard clowns again, right Paul?"  
  
"Yeah. They failed to realize how great a superstar I am, brother. They also underestimated the fact you were willing to scare the bejesus out of a secretary to get to them." Paul laughed. "They're jealous because we're the better-looking set of twins."  
  
"And because one of you can speak a whole sentence by yourself." Scarlet Witch quipped. Craig nodded his head in agreement.  
  
"Paul, you'd better get off that pool table before it breaks." Hawk told the self-proclaimed superstar. Starchild, with a whine, got off and leapt on the couch. "Well, if this involves Extensive..."  
  
You want us to check it out." Lance deduced. "We might as well."  
  
"Try not to make the building tumble down Lance." Craig smirked.  
  
"Bite me, Darkstar." Lance grumbled.  
  
"Let's go!" Althea and the other Misfits got up. Later on, they were at the foot of the Extensive Enterprises building.  
  
"Tell me something." Paul looked over at the other Misfits.  
  
"Yeah?" Freddy asked.  
  
"What does Extensive Enterprises have to do with cheese?" Paul scratched his head. Craig yelled.  
  
"I HATE YOU GUYS!!! CHEESE THIS, CHEESE THAT!!!" Craig yelled.  
  
"Oh stop whining, ya big baby!" Pietro laughed.  
  
"Look who's talkin'!" Lance moaned.  
  
"Can we please go inside, Honey?" Toad asked Althea. She shrugged.  
  
"Why not?" Wavedancer grinned. The Starr brothers immediately ran in first, wanting another shot at the Crimson Guard twins.  
  
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The Crimson Guard twins' office was a wreck. Books were thrown everywhere. The potted plants were uprooted. Their walls had some laser burns and a couple holes in them. The desks looked like someone was smashed through them. The twins themselves didn't look much better. Their semi-long black hair was mussed up. Their fancy suits, matching in every detail, including golden necklaces, were tattered. They looked like they had gotten into a brawl with a wild animal and lost. Standing over them was Destro, Cobra Commander's right-hand man.  
  
"Alright, you two traitors!" Destro growled. "Who is 'the Viper'?"  
  
"We don't know..." Tomax started.  
  
"...Who or what you're talking about!" Xamot finished. "We know that Cobra Commander hired..."  
  
"...an assassin named Viper to eliminate the mutant Joes, but..." Tomax continued.  
  
"...We have no idea about the base or about the failed West Point massacre!" Xamot concluded for his brother.  
  
"Cobra Commander must be plotting behind my back again!" Destro grumbled. "He never listens to a word I say!" He them mused to himself: "The one called Quicksilver maybe an egomaniac himself, but at least he listens to advice!"  
  
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The Misfits walked up to the main lobby, but a security guard was hell-bent on stopping them.  
  
"Sorry kids!" He said. "Company Tours are on Tuesday."  
  
"We've come to speak with your bosses." Wanda said. The guard laughed and tussled her hair. "Don't touch me."  
  
"Do you know who I am?" Paul walked up to the man. "I am the Starchild, star of stage, screen and music! You certainly must've seen me in one of my movies. One of them has this cool action scene, like in Die Hard..."  
  
"No." The guard shook his head.  
  
"How about my songs? You must've heard my newest album..."  
  
"Sorry about him." Althea pulled Paul back. "He thinks he's famous."  
  
"I am famous!" Paul moaned.  
  
"We're on school trip, yo." Toad grinned. The guard eyed them suspiciously.  
  
"In those outfits?"  
  
"What? Ain't seen a school uniform before?" Lance quipped. Craig grumbled.  
  
"Oh enough of this!" Craig looked at the guard. "Try this on!" Craig's right eye flashed, hypnotizing the hapless guard. His eyes glowed a bright purple. "You will let us see your bosses."  
  
"Just take the elevator to the top floor. Go down the hall to a pair of gold ornate doors." The guard gave the Misfits the directions in a monotone voice, typical of victims of the Starr brothers' hypnotic powers. Unfortunately for the Misfits, another guard caught them, and he pointed his gun at them.  
  
"Hold it, mutants!" He cried out. "No way you monsters are gonna see the bosses!" He got knocked out from behind as an invisible Xi made himself visible.  
  
"Xi, how do you do that invisible thing that you do?" Paul grinned in his typical happy-go-lucky manner. Xi shrugged.  
  
"I don't know. I've always been able to do it." The snake-like mutant looked around. "Let's go pay Tomax and Xamot a visit."  
  
"And a beatdown, Starr-style." Craig grinned evilly, staring at his nightstick. However, a third guard caught the mutant heroes and sounded an alarm. Secret panels in the walls opened up, revealing at least 40 troopers.  
  
"Aw man..." Blob sighed. "Here we go again!"  
  
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"What?" Destro turned to a hidden monitor and saw the Misfits. "Those annoying mutants! They're back! How do they do this! Is one of them telepathic!?!?"  
  
"Don't ask us because..." Tomax grumbled.  
  
"...We have mental scramblers." A grinning Xamot held up his necklace.  
  
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The other Misfits hid behind Blob. His invulnerable skin safely protected the Misfits from the trooper's laser fire.  
  
"Blob. The human tank. Gotta love 'im." Paul grinned.  
  
"Blast away, girly men! Your girly lasers cannot hurt me! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" Blob laughed, impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger.  
  
"You tell 'em, Freddy!" Pietro crowed.  
  
"We can't just hide behind Fred! We gotta attack!" Xi noted. Wanda noticed a sprinkler above the soldiers. She nudged Althea and pointed at it.  
  
"Do it!" Althea ordered.  
  
"You are all girly men!" Blob crowed. One laser grazed his ear. "That tickled!"  
  
"Hey fellas!" Wanda pitched a hexbolt. "Take a shower! You clowns stink!" The hexbolt hit the sprinkler, activating it. "Now, Wavedancer!"  
  
"No problem!" Althea made the water droplets attack the confused troops like a swarm of angry killer bees.  
  
"Girly men must die!" Blob yelled, mowing the troops down.  
  
"Quicksilver, take Starchild and Darkstar to the top floor!" Althea ordered.  
  
"Right! Let's go, guys!" Pietro grabbed the Starr brothers and ran to the top floor using his superhuman speed. As he sped off, one could hear Paul let out a "YAHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" and Craig get sick. The three boys arrived at the Crimson Guard twins' office. There were six secretaries.  
  
"Hellooooo gorgeous!" Paul leapt on a desk of a pretty blonde woman. "You've been given a great honor. Your presence has just been graced by a superstar." The secretary giggled.  
  
"You have a girlfriend, goofball." Quicksilver pulled Starchild off. "We wanna see your bosses." Craig leaned on a desk, his face bright green.  
  
"They're in the office, handsome." The blonde pointed behind her. Pietro walked to the door, but a fat woman blocked his path.  
  
"Mr. Tomax and Mr. Xamot have an appointment. They don't want to be disturbed."  
  
"We're the appointment, ma'am." Paul grinned, catching the woman off-guard with his hypnotic powers. Another secretary screamed.  
  
"They're mutants! They're gonna kill us all!" She screamed. The secretaries ran off, except for the blonde one Paul was hitting on earlier.  
  
"Nah." She shook her head. "He's too sweet to do that." The blonde got up and ran away giggling.  
  
"Why does everyone think all we mutants think about is killing people?" Paul wondered. Pietro glared at Starchild.  
  
"I hate you." Pietro said. Paul laughed.  
  
"Jealous? I am just as good a womanizer as you, Maxie."  
  
"You have a girlfriend!" Pietro snapped. "What would Tabitha say?!?"  
  
"She wouldn't care." Paul shrugged. A sickly moan from Craig ended the argument. "Let's go in there, kick some butt, then get Craig to a bathroom."  
  
"Okay." Pietro agreed. He motioned to the locked doors. "Paul?"  
  
"No prob." Paul waved. He fired a purple laser from his right eye. The laser cut a hole around the knobs, making them fall off. Pietro then forced the doors open with a mighty kick.  
  
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"What the--?" Destro exclaimed as Quicksilver kicked the door down.  
  
"Hey guys!" He laughed evilly. "Looks like we found some snakes."  
  
"Time to de-fang these suckers." Paul's eye glowed. Destro, Tomax, and Xamot pulled out guns and pointed them at the mutants.  
  
"I do not think so." The metal-masked man smirked. A green-faced Craig staggered into the room, and did something shocking: He staggered up to Destro and puked all over him.  
  
"EEEEEEEYUCK!!!! I just had this uniform dry-cleaned!!!" Destro cried out in a disgusted manner. The Crimson Guard twins, Paul, and Pietro cringed. Then they started laughing as Craig fell on his face. "What's so funny?!?!?!"  
  
"It's not too often..." Tomax laughed.  
  
"...You see something..." Xamot cackled.  
  
"THAT HILARIOUS!!!" They cried out together, clutching their sides in laughter.  
  
"Fools." Destro muttered.  
  
"Hey Metalhead!" Destro turned around. When his eyes met Paul's, Starchild's eye flashed in an attempt to use his hypnotic powers. The metal- masked right-hand man merely smirked.  
  
"I know of your hypnotic powers, little boy." Destro smirked. "I know techniques for resisting hypnosis."  
  
"Aw man..." Paul sighed.  
  
"We're dead." Pietro grumbled.  
  
"Wait!" Paul remembered. "Before you kill us Metalhead, I gotta ask you. Do you know anything about the Viper?"  
  
"Like he'll answer." Pietro sighed.  
  
"Hmmph." Destro sneered. "Only honorable to answer your final question. Neither I nor the twins over there know anything. Anyway, time to die." Destro pointed his blaster at Paul, but Quicksilver, using his speed, elbowed Destro in the face and grabbed his blaster. Tomax and Xamot started firing their blasters.  
  
"Let's get outta here!" Pietro picked up a moaning Craig. Paul nodded.  
  
"Right!" Paul fired his laser, blasting the gun out of Tomax's hand. The pain caused Xamot to drop his weapon. Pietro kicked Xamot in the jaw, knocking both twins out. Paul looked at Destro. "Say cheese, Metal Man!" Paul's eye flashed, blinding him temporarily. "By the way, thanks for the info. Let's go, Pietro!"  
  
"Yeah!" Quicksilver agreed. The three heroes got out of the ruined office as Destro and the Crimson Guard twins made their escape. The Misfits quickly regrouped.  
  
"Where have you all been..." Pietro trailed off as he saw the bodies of the Cobra troopers.  
  
"Beating up Cobras." Althea smiled, then noticed Craig over Pietro's shoulder. "What happened to Darkstar?"  
  
"Got motion sick."  
  
"It was great!" Paul laughed. "Craig staggered up to Destro and puked all over him!"  
  
"Gross, but entertaining." Wanda smirked, crossing her arms.  
  
"WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" The gang burst out laughing.  
  
"My God, that was great!" Lance cackled. Fred shook Craig's head.  
  
"Hey Darkstar, can you puke on Xavier next time?" Craig only responded to Fred with a pained moan.  
  
"Let's get outta here." Toad said. "I think a lot of people are gonna be mad."  
  
"We invade an office building, puke on a terrorist, and cause some mayhem. I think we'll be fine." Wanda shrugged.  
  
"Let's hit the road! Misfits..." Paul pointed to Lance's jeep in a dramatic manner. "To the Misfitmobile!" The mutant heroes quickly made their exit.  
  
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"Another strange note..." The Viper wondered. "I don't know who is sending this information to the Misfits, but it presents me with another opportunity to observe these freaks in action. They don't fully depend upon their powers, unlike most mutants." The shadowed figure then looked at some files, evidently Cobra observations. "I have gathered enough information. The time has come for these savage creatures' lives to end."  
  
Here we go! Looks like the Misfits are gonna finally meet the Viper face-to- face! Will they defeat the Viper, or will the infamous mutant assassin add the Misfits to his list of kills, or will the reformed mutant heroes put an end to his streak of successful mutant assassinations. 


	5. Misfits, Meet the Viper! Best of Luck!

The Misfits vs. The Viper  
Chapter 5: Misfits, meet the Viper! Best of Luck! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
"Who's been sending us these notes?" Lance racked his brain, but he couldn't come up with an answer.  
  
"Someone with a death wish, that's who." Craig grumbled, throwing darts at a dartboard. Lance looked up at it.  
  
"Hey, you took down my picture of Summers!" Lance said.  
  
"You can put it back up when you play." Craig said, throwing a dart and getting a bulls-eye. "I don't have a grudge against him. Why do you hate that geek? What'd he do, disrespect your territory? Beat up your family?"  
  
"Nah, I hate 'im 'cuz he's a jerk." Lance shrugged. "He thinks he's so freakin' great."  
  
"Whatever. Just leave me out of it." Craig sighed, throwing another dart, and getting another bulls-eye. Darkstar groaned. "When Todd plays, he's got Kurt up. Well, not really now. When Pietro plays, he has Spyke's mug on this thing. Why do I bother caring?" Darkstar threw the last dart, getting one final bulls-eye. He then went upstairs. Paul and Wanda walked in. Wanda was carrying a pretty red dress and Paul carried a tuxedo.  
  
"What's with the formal gear, Paul? I thought your brother had to go out with Wanda." Lance smirked.  
  
"He does. I picked up this classic black penguin suit for him." Paul smiled.  
  
"I thought tuxes were called 'monkey suits', Paul." Wanda looked at him strangely.  
  
"I call 'em 'penguin suits'. More accurate." Starchild grinned. Wanda looked at the formal outfit.  
  
"I guess I see your point." Wanda noted. She grabbed the formal clothes. "Where's Craig?"  
  
"Upstairs." Lance pointed upwards. "Be careful. He's in one of his moods."  
  
"Like always." Paul quipped. Wanda ran up the stairs.  
  
"Anyone seen my sister?" Paul and Lance turned to see Pietro sitting on the pool table. "She got a dress and she can't wait to show it to Craig. She thinks it'll knock his socks off."  
  
"NO WAY!!!" The three boys could hear Craig roar at the top of his lungs. Althea, Xi, and Toad arrived when they heard him. "NO WAY!!! UH-UH!!! NO WAY, NO HOW, NEVER!!!"  
  
"I guess Craig saw the tux." Toad smirked. "Hope he don't blast it." An angry Craig stomped down the stairs, Wanda behind him.  
  
"It's just for one night." Wanda said.  
  
"Forget it!" Craig snapped. "I will not dress like a rich pig!"  
  
"You don't need to be rich to wear a tux, Craig." Althea shook her head.  
  
"Yeah." Wanda agreed. "I don't like wearing dresses, but I'm going to do it."  
  
"I am a street kid! Not a spoiled money-obsessed brat!" Craig argued.  
  
"For a street kid, you sure do act like a spoiled brat." Pietro quipped.  
  
"Get off the pool table, Pietro." Xi told the speedster. Quicksilver jumped off. Craig saw the Misfits look at him, and he started growling.  
  
"Nice job, Wanda!" Craig motioned to the other Misfits. "Now you got everyone here staring at me! You know how much I hate it when people look at me. I hate it when people stare at me!"  
  
"Ohhh...I get it." Wanda grinned. "You don't wanna wear the tux because you think if you do wear it, people will stare at you."  
  
"C'mon, bro. It's just for one night." Paul ran up to his twin. "Relax. Besides, I'm sure Wanda will look fantastic in her dress." Craig mulled over the statement for a few minutes. With a sigh, he took the tuxedo.  
  
"Fine. But just for one night." Craig said in a defeated tone.  
  
"You just want to see Wanda in her dress." Paul said to Craig telepathically.  
  
"Talk again, and you'll die Paul." Craig warned him back, cutting off the link. Darkstar went upstairs to put the tux away.  
  
"Phew." Lance wiped his brow. "I thought Craig would go completely ballistic."  
  
"He does have some issues with his temper, doesn't he?" Xi pondered.  
  
"Yeah." Paul sighed. "He once beat the snot out of a guy because he suggested Craig get his hair cut."  
  
"No kidding." Toad changed the subject. "Anyway, we got another message from this 'Viper' dude, yo." Todd handed it to Paul. Paul looked at him, and he noticed that Toad, Wavedancer, and Xi were covered in food.  
  
"What happened to you guys?"  
  
"Leatherneck and Wet Suit were debating again." Althea sighed.  
  
"They were debating who would win in a fight drunk: Shipwreck or Ripper?" Toad added. The mutants mulled over the question.  
  
"Shipwreck/Dad." They all said together.  
  
"Read the note, Paul!" Craig snapped. Starchild immediately did so.  
  
"It's coordinates. Coordinates and a message that says, 'See you there at 4:00 PM'." Paul scratched his head. "Now we might get some answers."  
  
"4:00. That only leaves Craig four hours to get ready for his date with Wanda." Lance quipped. He narrowly dodged Craig's eye laser. "Close, but no cigar, Craig." Darkstar leaned on a wall and crossed his arms, grumbling about it.  
  
"Just one centimeter lower..."  
  
"You'll have to kill Lance later. We have to meet this clown at these coordinates." Paul gave the note to his brother, and Craig looked it over with a scowl.  
  
"Finally, the jerk reveals himself." Darkstar grumbled.  
  
"It could be a her!" Althea snapped.  
  
"Can I be politically incorrect just this once?" Craig sarcastically moaned. "Anyway, this 'Viper' is finally asking for a beating."  
  
"Let's not disappoint him." Xi smirked.  
  
"I'll get the Joes!" Paul was about to run out of the clubhouse, but Todd grabbed him.  
  
"They already know, yo." Todd said. "We'd better hit it."  
  
"To the Misfitmobile!" Paul pointed at the door in a dramatic manner, and he ran out of the 'clubhouse'.  
  
"You are not calling my jeep the Misfitmobile, Paul!" Lance ran after him. "Paul, get back here!"  
  
"You gotta admit... that Paul's always ready for a fight." Xi walked after the two calmly. The other Misfits ran after the three mutants. Later on, the heroes were flying in a jet to the coordinates they were given.  
  
"I'm gonna die...I'm gonna die...I'm gonna die..." Lance put his knees to his chest and rocked back and forth in his seat, shivering.  
  
"Relax, Lance." Paul smiled. "Air is the safest way to travel."  
  
"Don't talk, Paul. You'll disturb the air pressure." Lance looked like he would explode in panic at any second.  
  
"Baby." Craig sighed. "Lance, nothing's gonna happen."  
  
"YEE-HAH!!" Wild Bill's voice came over the intercom of the airplane.  
  
"I could be wrong." Darkstar moaned.  
  
"Hey Craig, where do you plan to take Wanda tonight?" Fred teased good- naturedly. Craig glared.  
  
"You mention the date one more time and I will kill you, you fat jerk!" Craig snapped.  
  
"Sorry." Blob crossed his arms. "You got a real temper problem, Craig. You've been even snappier than usual today. What's with you?"  
  
"I am not in a good mood." Craig fumed.  
  
"You never are, Craig." Althea sighed. "Lighten up. You're like a teenage Beach Head."  
  
"Why should I?" Craig grumbled.  
  
"Because life's too short, yo." Toad replied.  
  
"Yeah, bro." Paul laughed, agreeing wholeheartedly.  
  
"Why should I?" Craig grumbled. He looked out the window. What he saw shocked him. "LA?!?! VIPER HAS SENT US BACK HOME!?!?"  
  
"Los Angeles?!" Paul looked out the window. He then smiled. "Ahhh...Hollywood. Home sweet home. My old stomping ground."  
  
"How could you live in Hollywood when your father was a toymaker?" Wanda was confused.  
  
"Easy, babe. He had two jobs. He was also a record executive." Paul grinned, winking.  
  
"A record exec?!" Toad's jaw dropped.  
  
"Yeah. He worked for a small label." Paul explained. Then, he did something very rare for him. He sighed sadly, and the near-perpetual smile on his face disappeared. "Before...he and my adopted mother were killed by thugs." Craig looked over at his twin.  
  
"They were killed by members of a street gang called the Ravers. I was a member of a rival gang called the Man-Eaters at the time." Craig explained, his voice softening, another rarity. "Three years ago. Paul ended up on the streets because of that. I was cast out of the Man-Eaters when my powers manifested. Paul's manifested at the same time. It revealed that we had a mental link that allowed us to track each other down."  
  
"We met for the first time, and it was hard to believe. We didn't exactly get along at first." Paul continued. "Our personalities were so different."  
  
"You two are still nothing alike, personality-wise." Wanda said. She looked over at Craig, and felt some real sympathy for him. "You must've hated having Paul around at first."  
  
"Yeah." Craig said. "The guy was so...insane. He's so cheerful. I couldn't stand the fact that we were sleeping in boxes, but he was smiling! He always had a bright outlook on life. I believed that he was either nuts, or he had drugs hidden somewhere and he was constantly high."  
  
"I grew on him, eventually." Paul's smile returned.  
  
"Whatever." Craig turned around. "Why am I telling you people about my past? It's done, over, finished."  
  
"We get to know each other that way. All of us didn't have it easy..." Blob said. "Well, Paul did for a while, but he's different. Craig, I think you told us, because in your unconscious, you're starting to trust."  
  
"Pfft." Craig scoffed. "I trust no one."  
  
"Except Paul." Althea said matter-of-factly.  
  
"And Wanda." Paul added, quipping. Craig turned his head, eye glowing.  
  
"Go ahead, Pauly." Craig growled dangerously. "Say it." Paul just smiled back.  
  
"Whatever, bro." Paul laughed.  
  
"We have arrived, kiddos."  
  
"The note said to be alone. Sorry Wild Bill, but we gotta be on our own for this one." Althea sighed.  
  
"Too bad, kids. I've been wantin' some aerial action." The Texan chuckled. "Be careful. The Joes worry about you guys."  
  
"Don't worry." Pietro waved. "As soon as Viper's taken care of, we'll call. I'll be such a big hero."  
  
"Yeah, sure." Paul laughed.  
  
"I'm gonna die...I'm gonna die...I'm gonna die..." Lance chanted in panic.  
  
"Will you knock that off Lance?!?!" Wanda snapped.  
  
"If you're gonna panic, can you do it quietly?" Toad asked.  
  
"You are starting to scare the rest of us, Lance." Xi added.  
  
"You've been doing that the entire flight." Wanda groaned. "I suppose it's better than hearing about Kitty again."  
  
"I dunno. Kitty was alright." Paul shrugged. "She had a lot of trouble keeping her hands off me. What can I say? The ladies love me." The others noticed that Lance had stopped chanting "I'm gonna die" and was now chanting "Paul must die."  
  
"My sentiments exactly." Craig smirked.  
  
"I'm hurt, Lance." Paul shook his head. "I'm really hurt."  
  
"There can be only one womanizer in the Misfits, Paul." Quicksilver said, pointing to himself. "And that's me!"  
  
"Uh-huh." Paul grinned. "If you're so great Casanova, then tell me. How come all the X-Babes hate you, and they all go crazy with lust at the mere mention of my name?"  
  
"The X-Girls have no taste!" Pietro huffed. "Besides, they seem to forget that in your mind, well...at least in fashion, the 1980s are alive and well."  
  
"I liked the 80s." Paul grinned. "Great decade."  
  
"Whatever." Althea sighed. The helicopter landed in some forest near the city.  
  
"To the Misfitmobile!" Paul leapt up and pointed at Lance's jeep in a dramatic manner.  
  
"My Jeep is not a Misfitmobile!" Lance cried. As soon as the back door of the helicopter opened, Lance ran out and jumped on the ground.  
  
"Safe! Safe! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou..." Lance kissed the ground repeatedly. "Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou..."  
  
"Dude, he's got problems." Paul snickered. "I've heard of loving the earth, but that's a bit much."  
  
"And he wonders why everyone thinks he's nuts." Wanda sighed as the other Misfits climbed on the jeep.  
  
"Lance, get yer aerophobic butt in this jeep now!" Craig snapped. Lance quickly got up, wiped the dirt off his face, and jumped behind the driver's seat.  
  
"MISFITS AWAY!!!" Paul yelled out as Lance drove the jeep into the city. Paul reached out and fiddled with the radio, until he went to a song he liked. "Ahh...Nothin' like a little bit of Joan Jett to start a day." Paul grinned as Joan Jett's "Bad Reputation" blasted out. The Misfits started singing along as they drove. The group drove to the exact coordinates, which turned out to be an abandoned junkyard. They turned off the radio and leapt out of the truck.  
  
"We're here...now what?" Xi scratched his head.  
  
"We should split up." Todd suggested.  
  
"No..." Althea held her staff tightly. "I think we should stick together."  
  
"Man, and I thought Marilyn Manson was creepy." Paul looked around, eye glowing.  
  
"Paul, quit the jokes for once." Pietro sighed. "I guess he chickened out. I don't blame him. I'd chicken out if I knew I was getting into a fight with the fabulous Quicksilver." The silver-haired speedster grinned.  
  
"I have a bad feeling about this." Wanda looked around. "This place is scary."  
  
"A scary junkyard in the middle of LA. Know about this?" Lance turned to Craig and Paul.  
  
"No." Craig looked around, clutching his nightstick. It was obvious he was extremely impatient. "I've never seen this place before."  
  
"Neither have I." Paul confirmed.  
  
"Maybe we should've called the Joes." Lance thought out loud.  
  
"VIIIIIIIIIIPERRRRRR!!!!" Craig yelled out at the top of his lungs.  
  
"OWWW!!!" The other Misfits covered their ears.  
  
"Thanks a lot, Craig!" Althea snapped. "I may never have the hiccups again!"  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" A voice boomed, seeming to come from all over the junkyard.  
  
"Who's that?" Toad clutched his bo staff nervously.  
  
"Welcome, Misfits." The voice continued. "I hope you like this place. I fabricated it just for you. Of course you know why you must be eliminated."  
  
"One of Cobra's new goons?" Lance asked.  
  
"Maybe it's because he's jealous of our looks." Paul suggested.  
  
"He's nuts?" Blob suggested.  
  
"You mutants think you can run rampant over humanity, subjecting it to humiliation and slavery." The voice said.  
  
"We're not here to enslave anyone." Wanda said. "You invited us here."  
  
"I suppose you wish to know who I am?" The voice cackled.  
  
"Yeah..." Toad started, but he heard Craig fire his laser at a shadow.  
  
"I saw something! Over there!" Craig pointed out. The Misfits followed Darkstar. They ran to another pile of junk.  
  
"What'd you see, Darkstar? A moving tire?" Avalanche snickered.  
  
"Shut up, Avalanche! It looked human." Darkstar growled.  
  
"We should be careful around this guy." Xi mulled. "He does appear to be well-versed on us."  
  
"Indeed I do." The voice said. "How about the one called Scarlet Witch? Your real name is Wanda Maximoff, and you were locked up in an insane asylum due to powers you could not control at the time. Your father, Magneto, locked you there. You have the power to create "hex-bolts". These bolts can alter probability, and make things happen."  
  
"How'd he know that?" Wanda wondered.  
  
"And Starchild? Your real name is Paul Stanley Starr. As a baby, your true parents separated you from your twin brother and abandoned you. You were found and taken in by a record executive who happened to also own a toy store in Hollywood. After street thugs killed your parents, you scrounged on the streets, eventually reuniting with your brother. Your powers are centered in your right eye. You can create flashes of light that hypnotize or blind temporarily, and you can fire a laser beam from the same eye."  
  
"How'd he know that?!?" Paul asked out loud.  
  
"Xi..." The voice continued. "You are not like the other Misfits. Unlike them, you were created in a laboratory by Cobra. You were made and trained to be the perfect assassin. However, you escaped and befriended Toad. Your powers are invisibility, and the ability to "read" mutant powers."  
  
"Indeed." Xi drawled.  
  
"Avalanche...or should I say Lance Alvers? You spent your life in foster care, under which you were abused. Your powers are constantly growing, due to genetic damage caused by genetic experimentation. Your powers give you a deep connection to the earth itself."  
  
"Where did he get this?" Lance wondered.  
  
"Todd Tolensky, aka Toad. As a child, you were subject to experimentation that was partially responsible for your appearance. Your Toad-like mutation gives you the powers of enhanced jumping power, agility, reflexes, and a newer ability, acid spit. GI Joe's first Misfit, you are a practiced martial artist, and your weapon of choice is the bo staff."  
  
"Man, this guy did his homework." Toad sighed.  
  
"Yeah. I think we're in big trouble." Althea agreed.  
  
"Althea Delgato, codename Wavedancer. Appropriate name, considering that your mutation made you amphibious and you can manipulate water. You are the eldest daughter of Hector Delgato, the GI Joe codenamed Shipwreck. You pride yourself on being from a long line of fighters and barroom brawlers. Your younger sisters are known as Trinity because of their being triplets, and their psychic powers. Too bad they are unable to be of any help to you."  
  
"Man, now of all times to be at Shield Headquarters." Craig grumbled.  
  
"Craig Allman Starr, the Misfit known as Darkstar. Being Starchild's twin brother, you have the same powers as he does, but you prefer to beat an opponent with your fists. Whereas your brother was brought up in "the good life", you had to fight and struggle in the streets of LA all your life. Your prized possession and sole weapon is a nightstick you have kept with you, obviously becoming very skilled with using it."  
  
"Why don't I show you how skilled, Viper?" Craig growled. "Come out, now!"  
  
"Fred J. Dukes, also known as the Blob. Your immense girth holds an interest in psychology. Your superhuman levels of strength and invulnerability make you the Misfit's powerhouse. Abandoned by your parents, you were raised by your grandmother on a farm, who was wanted by the FBI. After her arrest, you lived on a circus and a monster truck show. You were a very mean bully in Bayville High, and you possessed a crush on a student named Jean Grey at one point."  
  
"I have no idea what was going through my mind at that time." Blob shook his head. "Scott can have her."  
  
"I dunno if Jean will stay loyal." Paul grinned. "She was shooting lustful looks at me the whole time I met the X-Men."  
  
"I remember." Toad grinned. "Every gal was doing that. Even Rogue, hard to believe."  
  
"Yeah. What can I say?" Paul shrugged, grinning. "When it comes to charm, I am the king. Not to mention the little trick I know." Paul put his left hand in a holding position in front of him, and then waved his right hand over it. When he raised his hand and flicked his wrist, a red rose appeared in his hand in a puff of smoke and a couple sparks. "Chicks love a guy who can make roses out of thin air."  
  
"Don't start that again, Paul." Pietro grumbled.  
  
"Pietro Maximoff. The codename of Quicksilver is very appropriate for you, considering that you possess superhuman speed and silvery hair, and your whole body has evolved for that speed, including increased metabolism, and reflexes that work much faster than the average human."  
  
"Isn't quicksilver really just liquid mercury?" Althea asked.  
  
"Oh shut up." Pietro grumbled.  
  
"What I'd like to know is how he knows all this stuff about us." Craig groaned. Toad noticed a fly buzzing around, and he caught it with his long tongue.  
  
"YUCK!!" The toad-like mutant cringed as he tried to chew the insect. He spit it out and looked at it. "This thing is metal!" Xi took a closer look.  
  
"Doesn't look like one of Cobra's." The snake-like mutant noted.  
  
"Yeah. It doesn't have that resemblance to Cobra Commander." Craig smirked.  
  
"My own design." Viper's voice boomed. "Much more effective and much harder to detect. I like to observe my targets before I eliminate them. Make the hunt more fun."  
  
"Tell me, Viper." Craig growled, looking around. "Did Cobra hire you, or are you working alone."  
  
"I do not think of myself as an assassin, but as a defender." Viper explained through the hidden speakers in the junkyard. "I am merely protecting humanity."  
  
"From what?" Paul asked, even though the guitarist knew the answer.  
  
"From mutants. I am not like the Friends of Humanity. They like to ambush and fight dirty. I prefer to let my targets see my face. To let them know that they stand no chance."  
  
"Why? Not all mutants are bad guys." Fred queried. "We used to be part of Magneto's Brotherhood, but we wised up. We joined the Joes and we now use our talents to help people."  
  
"Mutants only want one thing: To destroy humanity. To take over and enslave humans."  
  
"That's not true!" Althea snapped.  
  
"I've heard enough!" Craig's eye started glowing. "Where are you?!?!"  
  
"Craig's right!" Toad held up his staff. "It's time to fight!"  
  
Man, Viper is one crazed snake! In the next chapter, the face of Viper revealed! 


	6. The Big Battle!

The Misfits vs. The Viper  
  
Chapter 6: The Big Battle! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
"Where are you, Viper!" Craig snapped. "Come out, you filthy coward!" Wanda charged up a hex-bolt on each hand.  
  
"I got a nice juicy hex-bolt right here with your name on it!" Wanda snapped.  
  
"Here I am." A voice called out. The Misfits turned around to see Viper himself. He wore a dark green scaly bodysuit with a full head cowl and white eyepieces. The cowl only revealed his lips, nostrils, and chin. The bodysuit had a yellow chevron-like pattern that crossed the shoulders and met at the chest. His costume also had a long green tail twitching at his lower back.  
  
"Man, what a hypocrite!" Lance pointed out. "He has a tail! How can he be human with a tail!? He can only be a mutant with that thing!"  
  
"Indeed." Xi agreed. The mutant assassin laughed.  
  
"Get 'im!!!" Craig shouted. Toad spat some acid, Paul and Craig fired their eye lasers, and Wanda pitched her hex-bolts. Viper managed to dodge them with an expert leap and twirl.  
  
"Where'd he learn that?!?!" Lance cried.  
  
"Try this, mutants!" Viper cried out. He fired a pair of hidden wrist- mounted laser cannons.  
  
"DUCK!!" Althea cried out. The Misfits quickly jumped out of the way of the laser shots, scattering in the process.  
  
"Man, this guy ain't playin' around!" Paul dove behind a pile of junk, Craig with him.  
  
"Paul, cut the comedy for once in your lousy life!" Craig snapped. "Where are the others?"  
  
"I dunno, they split like bananas!" Paul shrugged.  
  
"Come out, come out, wherever you are..." Viper looked around.  
  
"If I can just catch him with my hypnosis..." Craig mentally planned, sneaking up to the assassin.  
  
"Careful, bro." A worried Paul telepathically told his brother, peeking out of the pile of junk.  
  
"Hey snakeface!" Craig snapped. Viper turned, and Craig's eye flashed. "What?"  
  
"Remember, little boy. I know how your hypnotic powers work. Your skin absorbs light, converting into alpha waves. Alpha waves are a special light known to cause hypnotic trances. These waves are stored in your eye. When you use your powers, your eye puts out a flash of concentrated alpha waves, rendering your opponents under your power. My eyepieces are shielded against them."  
  
"Then try hot laser at point blank range!" Craig snapped, firing his laser at Viper's chest. However, the laser didn't affect the chest plate. Viper smirked at Craig's shocked face.  
  
"My costume is lined with a special form of the indestructible metal adamantium. It's called carbonadium. Carbonadium is a flexible version of adamantium, and just as indestructible." Viper smirked. Craig stared at Viper intensely.  
  
"I don't care what material your fancy costume is made of." Craig growled, eye flashing. "Every armor has a chink!" Craig aimed a nightstick blow at Viper's chin, but the assassin blocked. The action caused Craig's nightstick to fly into the air, spinning. Viper threw a right cross, but Craig slapped it away, and let years of streetfighting take over. Craig blocked the cross and fired one of his own. Viper blocked and went for a roundhouse kick, which Craig easily dodged, but didn't take the tail into account. He felt the tail slap against his cheek like a whip. As Darkstar staggered, Viper hit the ex-gang member with a gut shot.  
  
"Hang on Craig!" Paul ran to his brother's aid, firing his laser.  
  
"You are as hopeless as your pathetic brother!" Viper growled. He fired his laser at Paul, who countered with his own beams. Paul then jumped up and smacked Viper with a kick to the chest. As Viper fell over, Paul helped Craig up.  
  
"Watch his tail." Craig warned. Paul immediately looked around. "Where are the others?" Starchild thought. As if in response to his mental quandary, a shuriken landed dangerously close to Viper's cheek. "Alright!" Viper looked around, getting up. He got ambushed by Wavedancer and Toad.  
  
"I may not be able to use my powers here, but I still can fight!" Althea and Viper traded blows. Toad tried to cut through the armor with his acid, but the carbonadium resisted.  
  
"Nuts!" Toad growled. The ground started to shake, knocking Viper off balance. Avalanche was concentrating.  
  
"Let's rock, snake!" Lance held up his fists. Out of nowhere, Wanda and Xi attacked. Xi made himself visible, kicking Viper's legs out from under him, and Scarlet Witch attacked with hex-bolts.  
  
"You are sooo in trouble!" Paul quipped. Pietro, grabbing some rope he found, tied Viper up with it.  
  
"Hah! We got you now!" Pietro cackled. "Where's Fred?"  
  
"Here I am." Freddy walked up, a banana in his hand.  
  
"Typical Fred. We do the work, he eats." Craig wheezed, still recovering from the gut shot. "Owww..."  
  
"Want Wanda to kiss it better?" Paul quipped.  
  
"Oh shut up." Craig coughed.  
  
"Heh heh heh." Viper smirked. "You freaks aren't as dependent on your powers as I thought."  
  
"We freaks just whupped ya." Todd tapped his head. "Let's call the Joes and go home."  
  
"I don't think so." Viper smirked. He easily broke out of the ropes, and disappeared. "Catch me if you can, Misfits!"  
  
"Where'd he go?" Blob looked around.  
  
"He made himself invisible!" Lance snapped. "Just like Xi!"  
  
"He seems to mimic our powers." Xi noted.  
  
"His tail is fake." Craig wheezed. "I felt it when it smacked me in the face. It felt like it was metal. It made a clanging sound, like metal."  
  
"So this guy's faking it?" Toad crossed his arms. "How low."  
  
"A very interesting psychological play." Xi nodded.  
  
"Yeah. He uses a fake tail to make himself look like a mutant when he does his jobs." Fred reasoned.  
  
"Makes it look like a mutant is killing his fellow mutants." Wanda sighed.  
  
"I say we take that tail, wrap it around his neck, and squeeze for a few hours." Craig suggested angrily.  
  
"We gotta find this guy!" Paul said. "If he gets to the city..."  
  
"He won't go to the city, Starboy. It's us he's after." Pietro said.  
  
"Where could he have gone?" Fred scratched his head.  
  
"Maybe he went out for a pizza." Paul suggested.  
  
"Starchild, are you even on the same planet as the rest of us?!?!" Lance snapped. "He's trying to kill us!!! "Why would he leave to get a freakin' pizza?!?!"  
  
"Assassins get hungry too, Avalanche." Paul explained.  
  
"Guys, shut up!" Althea snapped. "We have to stop this guy, and now!"  
  
"Yes." Xi agreed. "What about the tail? Darkstar said he felt metal."  
  
"Mmm." Craig nodded. "He said his armor was made of carbonadium."  
  
"Carbonadium? What's carbonadium?" Wanda asked.  
  
"He said carbonadium is a form of some indestructible metal called adamantium." Craig remembered.  
  
"Adamantium?" Lance thought out loud. "Isn't that the stuff that Wolverine's claws are made out of?"  
  
"Yeah." Althea remembered hearing that around the base. "I have heard that his whole skeleton is lined with the stuff. Makes his bones impossible to break."  
  
"He said carbonadium is a more flexible form of adamantium." Craig said. "He's got indestructible armor."  
  
"Every armor has a chink, bro." Paul said, trying to lighten everyone up. "There's got to be a way to stop him."  
  
"If he can artificially simulate mutant powers, then we are in trouble." Wanda pondered, then she got an idea. "Hey guys, I got an idea."  
  
"Oh brilliant, Wanda's got a plan." Pietro grumbled. "Someone call the loony bin." Wanda glared at her twin brother.  
  
"Remind me to kill you later." Scarlet Witch crossed her arms.  
  
"You got a busy night ahead of you, between dating Craig and killing Pietro." Todd snickered.  
  
"Shut up." A blushing Craig growled.  
  
"Hey!" Pietro snapped.  
  
"Let's just hear her idea. We desperately need one." Lance defended.  
  
"Okay. Gather around." The Misfits huddled and listened to Wanda's plan. Pietro let out a whiny "Me?!?!" during the whispering, and Craig smacked him upside the head with his hand. "Everyone got it?"  
  
"No problem, SW." The ever-optimistic Paul grinned, giving a thumbs up.  
  
"This'll be fun!" Todd smirked.  
  
"Wanda, that's brilliant!" Althea smiled.  
  
"Why me?" Pietro whined.  
  
"I like the plan." Craig nodded.  
  
"You like it 'cause Wanda cooked it up." Paul teased lightheartedly.  
  
"Shut up Paul." Craig blushed.  
  
"Man, that Viper's gonna get it." Fred chuckled.  
  
"Yup, only Wanda could think of this." Lance shrugged.  
  
"Fascinating." Xi said. Craig found his nightstick.  
  
"Let's do this!" Paul put his hand out. Taking the hint, the other Misfits put their hands on top and raised them. "Alright! Let's go!" The Misfits ran off in eight different directions. An invisible Viper watched them in confusion.  
  
"What could those freaks be up to?" The assassin thought to himself. He then heard clanging.  
  
"Here Viper Viper Viper Viper! Here Viper! Here Viper! Viperrrrr, yoo-hoo, where are yooooou?" Pietro clanged some metal parts together. He had two thoughts in his mind: "I'm gonna die" and "If this plan works and we get home, I am gonna kill Wanda". An invisible Viper slowly and carefully moved to where Pietro was making all the noise. "Viiiiiiperrrrr!!! God, help me pleeeeeeease..." Quicksilver started whining, as usual. "I don't wanna be dead. I'm too young and too pretty to diiiiiiiieeeeee..."  
  
"That's a shame." Viper made himself visible, and Pietro squeaked in fright. Viper fired his hand lasers, and Pietro ran away as fast as he could without using his super speed.  
  
"MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Quicksilver cried out at the top of his lungs. Viper was chasing him, firing his beams. The silver-haired scaredy-cat ran past a pile of junk. Viper was just about to pass it himself, but Blob stepped in front of him at the last second. The assassin ran into the huge teen. Viper bounced off a smiling Freddy like a rubber ball off a tile floor. Viper landed hard on the ground.  
  
"Ohhhh...my head." Viper moaned. "Wha-?" He saw Scarlet Witch standing above him, grinning evilly.  
  
"Hi." That was all Wanda said before she zapped him with a hex-bolt. "Okay!"  
  
"Rock 'n' roll!" Lance cackled as he made the earth around and under Viper spin around very fast, like milkshake in a blender.  
  
"I think I'm gonna puke." Viper groaned weakly.  
  
"Okay Pietro!" Lance cried out. Quicksilver around the dirt circle very fast, creating a whirlwind that spun Viper around even faster, and carried him into the air.  
  
"Whoaohohohohohohohohohoh!!!!" Viper looked like he'd hurl at any second. "Ugh."  
  
"Okay guys!" Wanda said. Lance and Pietro quit their attacks, causing Viper to fall, landing hard on his head.  
  
"Uhhh..." Viper held his dizzy head, but now he got repeatedly punched and kicked by an invisible Xi. After a couple minutes, Xi leapt away, and Althea got a few shots in. Paul and Craig used a flash of light from their eyes to blind Viper, then Toad pulled him off his feet with his tongue. As his sight returned, he saw a smirking Craig stand over him.  
  
"Have a nice nap." Craig then smacked Viper's head with his nightstick, knocking the assassin out. The other Misfits gathered around.  
  
"He wasn't so tough." Lance smirked.  
  
"He never faced us." Craig said. "He underestimated the fact that our powers are only one of our tools."  
  
"You're dead, Wanda." Pietro glared at his twin sister. "I nearly got fried like an egg!"  
  
"Be grateful you weren't roasted." Wanda glared back. Paul stood over the knocked-out Viper.  
  
"You got knocked the heck out!" Paul laughed, doing a great Chris Tucker impersonation  
  
"Let's hurry and find a way to get this armor off him before he wakes up." Althea said. The Misfits searched for a clasp or anyway to get the armor off. After what almost seemed like an eternity, the mutant-killer woke up, groaning. He looked around and saw that he was tied to a steel pole, planted in the ground. The grinning Misfits held pieces of his armor, and he realized he was only wearing his cowl and underwear. "Looks like we win."  
  
"Let's go home." Craig said.  
  
"Craig's gotta go on a date with my sister." Pietro grinned.  
  
"Do you have any idea how to shut up, Quicksilver?" A blushing Craig growled. The Misfits walked away, Paul and Pietro razzing the assassin. Viper burst out laughing.  
  
"What's so funny?" Wanda asked.  
  
"You think I came alone?" Viper smirked. He whistled, and a whole mess of Cobra troopers revealed themselves, pointing blasters at the Misfits.  
  
"You lying scum!" Craig snapped, eye glowing brightly. "You said you were alone!"  
  
"I lied."  
  
"Oh man!" Lance looked around. Althea started giggling.  
  
"What's so funny, mutant?" A Cobra trooper asked.  
  
"Oh boys, you didn't think we wouldn't come prepared, did you?" Althea grinned.  
  
"Huh?" Todd scratched his head.  
  
"I don't get it." Paul said. The other Misfits looked at Althea.  
  
"They should be here right now." Althea looked at her wrist like she was checking a watch. Suddenly, a familiar cry rang out.  
  
"YO JOE!!!" A group of Joe vehicles drove in, laser guns blasting. The Misfits quickly ducked.  
  
"Watch it, guys! Don't hit the kids!" Cover Girl ordered.  
  
"No prob." Low Light fired his laser rifle.  
  
"Hang on Paul and Craig! Recondo's here!" Recondo fired his laser rifle. The Joes leapt out of the vehicles, surrounding the Cobras.  
  
"Surrender, Cobra!" Cover Girl ordered. A helicopter flew up over the junkyard, Wild Bill at the helm. It landed near the kids, and the Joes captured the troops and rounded them up into the truck. Paul hugged Recondo, Pietro and Wanda ran to Cover Girl, Lance hugged Spirit, while the others went to Roadblock.  
  
"How'd you know, hon?" Todd asked his girlfriend. Althea smirked.  
  
"While Viper was knocked out, I activated a hidden homing beacon in my costume, just in case the snake brought friends." Wavedancer explained.  
  
"Brains, beauty, and brawn." Paul whistled. "I said it once, and I'll say it again: You lucky frog!"  
  
"Can we go home? Craig and I have to go on a date." Wanda said.  
  
"I kept hoping she forgot." Craig grumbled. "I should've taken the first shot at that stupid pool game."  
  
"You have to kill Pietro too, remember?" Paul joked.  
  
"Tomorrow." Wanda said. "I'm too excited to kill my brother now. What time is it?" Cover Girl checked her watch.  
  
"6:00 PM." Cover Girl said.  
  
"It can't be! The sun's still up." Fred looked at the sky.  
  
"Summer's coming." Paul said. "That's why." Craig nodded in agreement.  
  
"Let's get outta here." Lance sighed.  
  
"What do we do with him?" Xi pointed at a shocked Viper. The Misfits and the Joes all looked at each other. The vehicles left the scene, Viper tied to the helicopter's nose, making him scream with fright. Back in the "clubhouse", Lance, Pietro, Paul, and Xi were sitting on the couches, laughing at a joke Starchild told.  
  
"Man Paul, you are multi-talented!" Lance laughed.  
  
"Actor, musician, comedian, impressionist. I am a man of many talents, indeed." Paul grinned.  
  
"Speaking of a Starr family member, where's a certain foul-tempered street savage?" Pietro grumbled. "He's at home. He's hiding from Wanda." Paul grinned. "Craig is still not too crazy about the date."  
  
"No kidding." Xi said. "I overheard him cursing the pool game the whole time we flew back to the Pit."  
  
"Yeah. I'm gonna call Kitty." Lance got up and went to the phone.  
  
"Here he goes again." Pietro groaned. "Betcha something wild happens."  
  
"Tell Tabby I said hi." Paul told Lance.  
  
"Last time I did that, Tabby and Amara fought over who got to talk to you first, Paul." Lance reminded.  
  
"Things got interesting when Rogue, Rahne and Jean jumped in and tried to get the phone. Oh yeah, Kitty did too." Pietro grinned. Lance chagrined at the last remark. Kitty answered, and Starchild and Quicksilver watched them talk until...  
  
"Paul, she wants to talk to you." Lance grumbled. Paul happily jumped over the couch and ran to the phone.  
  
"Hi Kitty." Paul said. Ten seconds later, the sounds of cat-fighting could be heard, as the X-Girls were fighting over who got to talk to Paul on the phone. Fred walked in, holding some mail.  
  
"Hey guys!" Fred handed Starchild the envelopes. "Hey Paul, I have some love letters from the X-Girls, and some hate mail from Scooter, Ray, Gambit, and Peter."  
  
"Why am I not surprised?" Pietro sighed.  
  
"I told you I'm just as good a charmer as you, Quick." Starchild grinned.  
  
"Actually, Paul does better. He has no inflated ego." Blob observed.  
  
"Hey!" Pietro snapped. Xi listened to the receiver.  
  
"Do all women act like this around Paul?" Xi asked.  
  
"Yeah, Xi. They do. Except Althea and Wanda. Paul's never worked his charms on them. Thank God." Todd sighed.  
  
"Yeah." Lance agreed. "Can I talk to Kitty now, Paul?"  
  
"Okay." Paul happily handed the receiver to Lance.  
  
"Hey guys, what about Craig and Wanda's date? Should we help out, like the Joes did with Todd and Althea's?"  
  
"Hey yeah!" Althea said.  
  
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"%&$#@!!!" Cobra Commander stomped around in his office, raging about the usual thing: His big plan failing. "$#&@*!!! $&(#@!!!!" Destro walked in, smirking.  
  
"Well Commander, it looks like your plan has failed. Why am I not surprised? I told you not to hire that assassin. I told you he'd underestimate the Misfits."  
  
"Oh shut up, Destro." Cobra Commander grumbled. He looked around his office. "I still haven't got my coffee."  
  
"By the way, who sent those weird messages to the Misfits?" Destro wondered.  
  
"I don't know, and I don't care. I just want coffee." Cobra Commander grumbled.  
  
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"You idiots!" Zarana snapped at the Dreadnoks. "I can't believe you dopes sent those 'window wiper' messages to the Misfits!"  
  
"Sorry." Torch groaned. "Not my bloody fault the mutants have similar e- mail addresses!"  
  
"What was the plan again?" Ripper asked. Monkeywrench groaned.  
  
"The plan was to send the X-Men on a wild goose chase, the come to the Institute disguised as window wipers." Monkeywrench held up a bunch of window wiper costumes. "Then, we blast 'em!"  
  
"I can't believe I went along with this stupid plan." Zandar groaned.  
  
"What'd he say?" Ripper pointed at Zandar.  
  
"WAHHHHH!!! No one listens to meeeeee!!!" Zandar whined.  
  
"Just one competent Dreadnok besides Zanya. Is that too much to ask?" Zarana sighed. "Where is she anyway?"  
  
"Trying to find a way to get that Misfit to herself. What's his name, Starkid?"  
  
"Starchild." Zandar sighed. "The one with the purple star over his eye."  
  
"Oh yeah, the KISS wannabe dressed like a bloody 1980s rock video." Torch snickered. "Man, that kid can charm. Zanya still fawns over him."  
  
Well, looks like the day is saved, thanks to the marvelous Misfits. However, there's still one big loose end to tie up: Craig and Wanda's date! (A/N: Craig: Let's not and say we did, please?) Let's hope nothing goes wrong! 


	7. Craig and Wanda! The date from a challen...

The Misfits vs. The Viper  
  
Chapter 7: Craig and Wanda! The date from a challenge!  
  
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Paul and Craig Starr, aka Starchild and Darkstar, the Sensational Starr Brothers, were sitting on a couch in the home of the GI Joe codenamed Recondo. Craig was scowling, watching TV. Paul was sitting next to him, smiling like always. He was reading the letters the X-Men sent him, and a laptop was on his lap. He was writing a response as well.  
  
"Cheer up, Craig!" Paul said. "Here, read one of my letters." Paul handed the letter Scott wrote to Craig. The raven-haired thug read it, and he shook his head.  
  
"Cyclops must think up a more original way to kill you besides blasting you with his beams." He then read the letter Gambit sent. "Now, in Remy's case, I must give him points for originality. I never thought anyone could do that with a rubber chicken and a tractor."  
  
"Yeah." Paul shrugged. "The guys really don't like me for some reason. Anyway, check out this letter Tabby sent." Paul handed Tabby's letter to Craig. Darkstar's eyes bulged when he read it.  
  
"I knew she wanted you, but I didn't know she wanted you THAT bad!!" Craig turned to Paul, eyes still wide.  
  
"Don't look at me." Paul shrugged, laughing a little bit. "I'm writing a letter back."  
  
"I noticed." Craig looked at the screen. "Oh, the average stuff. How you doing, that kind of thing."  
  
"Yeah." Paul looked at the time on the corner of the screen. "Better get into that penguin suit, bro. It's 7:30." Craig didn't listen. He put on a pair of headphones and was listening to a song. Paul stared at Craig for a couple minutes and sighed. "You don't wanna do this, do you?"  
  
"What?" Craig took off his headphones. "Huh?"  
  
"You don't wanna go out with Wanda, huh?"  
  
"Got that right. This is ridiculous. I lose a lousy pool game and now I have to dress up."  
  
"Relax. It'll be great."  
  
"What if it ends up like Todd and Althea's? You know, the others spying."  
  
"It won't happen. I'd never spy on you, bro." Paul said.  
  
"You better not." Craig grumbled, running upstairs. "I wish you never took that tux from the clubhouse."  
  
"You need it." Paul said loudly. He then put down the laptop and ran to the stairs. "Need my help?"  
  
"No." Craig grumbled, going into his room with the tux. Paul patiently waited until he heard a familiar voice a few minutes later. "AAAGH!!!" Starchild smiled.  
  
"He'll never admit it, but even he needs help with things." Paul grinned and ran up the stairs, eager to help his brother. He ran into Craig's room. The door had a plank across on it that had "Darkstar's lair. Enter and Die!" scrawled in black spray paint. It was a very, well, dark room. The walls were painted black, with some graffiti Craig added with spray paint, and patches of brick-pattern. The whole motif for it was a dark alley. The furniture, a bed, dresser, and a desk, looked somewhat junky, and a couple spare tires were in a corner. Paul looked around, but saw no sign of Craig.  
  
"In here, stupid!" Craig snapped. Paul ran to his own room. Unlike Craig's room, Paul's room was bright and cheery. His door had a golden star on it with "Paul" in purple letters, like the dressing room door of a real movie star. The walls were painted purple with white and black paper stars everywhere, as well as posters of Kiss on the wall. Paul's furniture was bright and colorful, and he had a rack full of classic rock CDs, the top few were Kiss CDs. Next to his bed, on a small desk that had a lamp, was a framed picture of Tabitha with a red lipstick mark on it. Craig was standing in front of a mirror in the inside of his closet door. Paul had to admit, Craig looked very handsome in a tux.  
  
"You look great!" Paul gave a thumbs up. Craig snorted.  
  
"Yeah, yeah." Craig fumbled with the bowtie, but he couldn't tie it. "Of all the lousy...GAAH!!!" Craig threw the black tie on the ground. "Stupid tie!" He stared down at it with a glowing eye. "Lousy thing! I can't tie it." Shaking his head, Paul picked up the tie before Craig could blast it. The self-proclaimed superstar held it for a moment.  
  
"Let me do it. I've had to do fancy dress stuff before." Paul showed Craig how it was done by explaining it as he tied it. "Okay! Let's see how you look." Paul turned Darkstar to the mirror. Paul then decided a Billy Crystal impersonation was in order: "You look marvelous!" Craig drooped his head.  
  
"Where can I take Wanda? I've never been on a date."  
  
"No one wanted to date you." Paul laughed. "Relax, bro. I did some checking around with Flint's help. He said that there was this really nice restaurant where he took Lady Jaye one time. It's right near here. Check it out." Paul handed a brochure Flint gave him to Craig. Darkstar seemed very wary to accept any idea that Starchild had.  
  
"I dunno." Craig read the brochure. "This is nuts! I don't even speak French! I don't even like half the stuff they call food!" He then glared at a snickering Starchild. "You're up to something. You are up to something!"  
  
"C'mon Craig..." Paul put his arm around his brother's shoulder. "I just wanted your first date to be memorable. It's Wanda's first date as well, bro."  
  
"Yeah, yeah." Craig then remembered one detail he knew would stump Paul. "How will I get her there?" Unfortunately for Craig, Paul had an answer for that, too.  
  
"Use your Starcycle, bro. She can borrow my helmet." Paul grinned. Craig grumbled. Paul seemed to get him at every turn.  
  
"Nuts." Craig growled. "Let's get downstairs before someone sees me." Craig quickly went down the stairs, but Recondo saw the ex-gang member, along with Jinx. Jinx had visited to check up on the Starr twins.  
  
"Craig, you're lookin' great!" Recondo laughed. Jinx giggled.  
  
"Wanda'll think you look absolutely adorable!" Craig got angry. He hated it when people looked at him.  
  
"I hate you guys." Craig scowled.  
  
"Hey..." Jinx patted Craig's head. "No need to have a bad attitude. I think it makes you look rather distinguished. Now if only I could get Logan into a tux."  
  
"Here, he can borrow mine." Craig, all too happily, started to take off his jacket, but Paul stopped him.  
  
"Nope." Paul shook his head. "You are wearing it, and that's final." Paul decided to have a laugh by impersonating Robin Leach: "Tonight on Clothes of the Mutated and Bad-Tempered, we have the foul-mooded Craig Allman Starr clad in a tux that screams street attitude and debonair style."  
  
"Okay Robin, we get the point." Craig grumbled. He then sighed. "I hope Wanda likes it." Craig thought.  
  
"She probably can't wait to get you out of it." Paul quipped telepathically.  
  
"STARCHILD!!!" Darkstar snapped.  
  
"Anyway, it's almost time. Get your cycle, bro. Wanda's waitin'." Paul laughed.  
  
"Grrr." Craig left the house, but not without hearing some advice from Jinx.  
  
"Don't you two get too frisky now." The ninja waved.  
  
"Yeah." Craig answered. "That coming from a woman who made out with Wolverine in a closet." Darkstar added under his breath. Craig walked over to a beautiful black motorcycle parked in front of the house. It was a sleek motorcycle, looking like a cross between a Harley and a Kawasaki Ninja, with purple and silver trim and highlights. Next to it was a matching motorcycle, only the black and purple were reversed (The mostly- purple bike is Paul's). The headlights for both motorcycles were in the shaped like 5-pointed stars. Craig leapt on and started it. He put on his helmet, a black helmet with an adjustable window. The helmet was decorated by a purple stripe running along the center from front to back, with a smaller white stripe in the center and purple stars on the stripes (Naturally, Paul's helmet would be exactly the same, but the purple and black was reversed). Craig took Paul's helmet, and rode off.  
  
"Good luck, bro!!" Paul waved. Craig rode across the Pit to the Delgato house. There, he saw Althea and Toad.  
  
"Where's Wanda? I just wanna get this stupid date over with." Craig growled.  
  
"Nice tux, yo. You look like a bad-tempered penguin." Toad joked.  
  
"I've had enough of penguins today." Craig grumbled.  
  
"I'll tell Wanda you're here." Althea ran upstairs to get Wanda. Todd and Craig watched her go up.  
  
"Good luck, yo." Todd said.  
  
"Whatever." Craig responded in a monotone. He then saw Althea walk down the stairs.  
  
"Ta-da!" Althea motioned upstairs, and Wanda walked down. Her hair was done up, and she had on a bright red dress with matching shoes. The dress was sleeveless and slits going up to midway up the upper legs. She had on long red gloves which reached halfway up her upper arms. Craig's jaw dropped under his helmet, and he started blushing.  
  
"Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh..." Craig stammered. Todd smirked.  
  
"Caught ya by surprise, huh?" Todd laughed.  
  
"I had a feeling Craig would get his socks knocked off." Althea grinned, putting a hand on Wanda's shoulder. Wanda looked at Craig rather shyly.  
  
"Shall we go?" Wanda asked. Craig handed her the helmet, with Todd's help. Toad knocked on Craig's helmet and the ex-gang member snapped out of his trance.  
  
"Put on the helmet. Hang on tight." Craig said simply. Wanda put on the helmet and jumped on the motorcycle.  
  
"Hey don't get too frisky, huh?" Todd laughed. Craig started his bike, flipping Todd the bird.  
  
"Be nice, Craig." Wanda laughed. Darkstar muttered under his breath. Scarlet Witch laughed as Craig rode off. Toad and Wavedancer watched them leave. They looked at each other evilly.  
  
"Lance! Xi! Fred! Pietro! C'mon!" They ordered. The other mutants jumped in Lance's jeep.  
  
"What about Paul?" Xi asked.  
  
"He's got stuff to do." Lance said. "He's gotta respond to the love letters the X-Geek Girls sent."  
  
"Hey, I'm here to make sure that Craig don't try anything with my sister." Pietro crossed his arms.  
  
"Don't worry." Fred held up a camera. "I'll film it for Paul."  
  
"Everybody ready? Let's go!" Lance started the jeep and they drove off in the direction Craig took. Meanwhile, Darkstar and the Scarlet Witch were riding off in Craig's Starcycle.  
  
"Where are we going?" Wanda asked Craig.  
  
"Someplace Paul and Flint recommended." Craig sighed. "Some fancy place that Flint took Lady Jaye to."  
  
"You mean that French restaurant?" Wanda asked.  
  
"Yeah." Craig sighed. "I just wanted to go to McDonalds."  
  
"I'm banned from there." Wanda said. "I got real mad at Pietro in a McDonalds."  
  
"Let me guess. He threw ketchup." Craig smirked. "I once lost my temper in a mall because lot of people were looking at me. I trashed a couple stores and beat up a mess of security guards."  
  
"Why do you hate it when people look at you?"  
  
"Personal." Craig said. "It's a personal thing. I don't like people in my space."  
  
"That would explain why you took an instant dislike to Xavier." Wanda reasoned.  
  
"I don't dislike him, just don't trust him." Craig admitted. "I don't trust telepaths. I don't want my mind invaded. I believe the mind is the only real private place left on Earth."  
  
"Yeah. You do have a point." Wanda agreed. She noticed something. "Craig...You never were this willing to talk to anyone before about deep stuff."  
  
"I dunno." Craig shrugged. "I guess it's just something about you. The fact that we both have had lived most of our lives alone. As well as the fact we both have stupid twin brothers." Craig saw the restaurant come up. "We're here."  
  
"Pietro is stupid, but I think Paul's just a little crazy, that's all." Wanda shrugged. When the motorcycle stopped, a valet ran to the bike. Craig quickly threw off his helmet and ran to the red-vested man, wishing to get in his face.  
  
"Don't touch my bike, punk." Craig warned, holding up a fist. Wanda sighed and took off her helmet. She then adopted a look of amazement on her face as she saw where Craig took her.  
  
"Wow, Craig! I didn't know you had it in you." Wanda smiled. Craig blushed.  
  
"Can we go in?" Craig sighed. They walked into the fancy place, and it was well-decorated. It had marble statues, fine music playing, and even a huge fountain. "Next time, I'm eating at a sports bar. At least the drunks are entertaining."  
  
"I think I'll join you." Wanda sighed. What the two failed to notice was that the other Misfits, except for Paul, were there, hiding in the bushes.  
  
"God, I hope nothing goes wrong." Althea sighed.  
  
"I have a feeling that Craig's gonna curse out someone." Todd snickered. True to it, he did. Craig and Wanda walked in, and a man said he'd seat them.  
  
"Whaddaya mean?!?" Craig snapped. "There's empty tables!!! Why can't we just pick one?!?!"  
  
"Monsieur..." The greeter tried to calm him down.  
  
"Don't 'mon-sewer' me, pal!" Darkstar snapped louder than before. "I lost a bet! I had one heck of a day! So the least you can do is move your stupid French self outta my way now!" The hot-tempered teen growled. The amazing thing was that Wanda didn't seem to mind Craig's outburst. The greeter then noticed Craig's birthmark.  
  
"Monsieur, you will have to remove the makeup." Craig got really steamed. Despite this, he miraculously kept quiet about the fact that the star on his face was a birthmark.  
  
"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, FRENCHY!!!! WHAT I PUT ON MY FACE IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!! IF YOU DON'T MOVE YOUR BUTT OUT OF MY WAY, I WILL KICK YOUR TEETH ALL OVER THIS PLACE!!!" Wanda giggled at Craig's outburst. Craig whipped around, glaring. She put on an innocent look. The frightened greeter let the two walk by. Wanda picked a table near a window. They sat down, and Craig pulled on his tie. "God, I hate this thing. I feel like I'm getting strangled."  
  
"I don't exactly like the formal gear, either." Wanda said. "I like dresses, just not wearing them."  
  
"I wish we could go to a fast food joint." Craig sighed. He saw a waiter walk up to the two and hand them menus. Both Wanda and Craig were confused. Neither of them went through anything really formal before. They took the menus and read them.  
  
"What the heck is this?" Craig snapped.  
  
"Ze menu." The waiter talked to Craig like he was a retard.  
  
"I can't understand half of this stuff! Do I look French to you?" Craig started yelling.  
  
"Can we just have some hotdogs?" Wanda scratched her head. The lack of English in the menus were frustrating both Darkstar and the Scarlet Witch.  
  
"I know what I want." Craig said. "Gimme a cheeseburger."  
  
"Cheeseburger?" The waiter asked.  
  
"What's the matter? You no speak-a the English?" Craig mocked loudly. "You retarded? I want a cheeseburger! Ch-eese-burrr-ger." Craig scowled. He was in a bad mood ever since the date started, and this clown was not helping him. "Beef patty, slice of cheese, ketchup, lettuce, and onions in a bun! I'm sure one of those chefs can whip up something that simple! They can do freaky things with Jell-O!"  
  
"Vhat do you mean 'freaky things with Jell-O'?" The waiter asked. Darkstar ignored the remark.  
  
"And gimme a Coke." The waiter snorted.  
  
"Americans." He said.  
  
"Ahhh, go jump off the Eiffel Tower!" Craig jumped up angrily. "And tell the chef this stuff sounds like fancy dog food! I'm outta here!" The waiter stomped back to the kitchen.  
  
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"DOG FOOD?!?!" The head chef screamed in rage. He then grabbed a meat cleaver, murder in his eyes. "I'll show him dog food! I'll make him into dog food!!" The chef tried to run into the dining hall, but the other chefs and the waiter were holding him back.  
  
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"Oh no!" Althea said.  
  
"C'mon Craig." Wanda laughed. "I'm having fun. I thought it was funny the way you mouthed off that waiter."  
  
"I'm not enjoying this place." Craig undid his tie. "I'm gone." He walked to the door, Wanda behind him.  
  
"That Craig!" Toad growled.  
  
"I knew it!" Pietro raised his arms. "That Starr can't keep his temper under control! He's as bad as Claws!"  
  
"I dunno. I think he had it under control." Lance shrugged. "He didn't kill anyone."  
  
"Did you have a good OW!!" Craig walked past the greeter, giving him a punch in the nose. He walked to where the bike was, but found it was gone.  
  
"Where's my bike!" Craig looked around. Wanda was on his heels. Darkstar found the valet he warned getting off his bike after parking it, and the street thug got steamed. "I told you not to touch my bike!!" Craig ran up to man, intent on beating the red-vested kid senseless.  
  
"Look sir, I was just parking it! I have to! It was in-" He didn't get to finish. Craig punched him, then started stomping on him.  
  
"Craig, knock it off! Let the guy go! Let's get out of here." Wanda suggested. Darkstar sneered at the valet, nursing his side and bloodied nose.  
  
"You got lucky." Craig and Wanda jumped on the bike and went to a drive- thru at a fast food joint. They got food there. They then drove to a nearby beach. Craig parked the bike and he and Wanda jumped off. The others remained in the bushes. The two did some walking on the sand. Scarlet Witch hand to go barefoot, but she didn't mind.  
  
"Not the best date in the world, huh?" Wanda asked Craig. Darkstar shrugged.  
  
"Hated the restaurant. Remind me to kill Paul when I get back." Craig grumbled.  
  
"I dunno. I think they needed cheeseburgers." Wanda laughed.  
  
"Sorry I lost my temper. Just that..."  
  
"All that stuffiness?" Wanda asked, smiling. "Yeah, I don't blame you. I hated it myself, to be honest."  
  
"How does anyone do it?" Craig groaned.  
  
"Don't ask me." Wanda shrugged, removing her gloves and hanging them on her shoulder. "It's a little warm out here."  
  
"Mmm." Craig agreed, taking off his jacket and holding it over his shoulder. "Might as well sit down and eat this stuff."  
  
"Might as well." Wanda agreed, sitting down. Craig handed her a bag of food and they munched the burgers and fries they got. Craig looked in his bag when he saw how the moonlight reflected off Wanda's face. He couldn't help but blush. Unfortunately, Wanda caught him. "You look like you got sunburned."  
  
"Uhm..." Craig was at a loss for words. "Uh...whatever." Craig quickly hid his face. Wanda giggled.  
  
"Craig's keeping his hands to himself. Wise move." Pietro glared from afar, in a bunch of bushes.  
  
"Watch where you sit, Petey." Lance groaned. "There's a sharp piece of driftwood near you."  
  
"What if they catch us?" Xi worried. "Knowing their tempers, they will not be pleased."  
  
"Don't worry. Althea and I cooked up a contingency plan." Toad whispered into Xi's ear.  
  
"Y'know, Craig. I love looking at the stars." Wanda said.  
  
"I never really did." Craig looked up and stared. "I don't really see what's so special."  
  
"Really?" Wanda looked confused. "I mean, you've never wondered what's out there?"  
  
"After being around you people, I lost my curiosity." Craig sighed, stuffing some fries into his mouth. "Besides, the Joes know about aliens and such stuff. We got a spaceship in the Pit for crying out loud. Why bother wondering?" Craig then started muttering something about Paul and a golf club.  
  
"Why are you mad at Paul?"  
  
"Because that idiot brother of mine recommended that French place." Craig tried not to lose it. "Flint helped him. Ever since I got back from the Viper bit, I've been teased and the butt of jokes by the Joes. Tripwire and Short Fuse wrote a poem about it for God's sake! I'm glad Shipwreck doesn't know, otherwise I'd be really mad!" Darkstar fired his laser at the sky in rage.  
  
"Paul was only trying to help, Craig." Wanda said. "He does love you, you know."  
  
"I wish he didn't care so freakin' much." Craig sighed.  
  
"You do. You just don't want to admit it, Craig." Wanda said. "I bet he's wondering what we're doing right now."  
  
"He'd know. He's the charmer." Craig groaned.  
  
"I dunno. I think you're charming in your own way." Craig blushed at the comment.  
  
"Really?" Darkstar thought for a moment. "Paul's the one the girls love. I mean, I dunno why. He's insane."  
  
"He's cheerful, he's happy-go-lucky, he's always smiling and he loves to have fun." Wanda shrugged. "Not to mention he is incredibly charismatic and he has a presence about him."  
  
"Don't tell me you're falling for him too!" Craig groaned. "It's bad enough the X-Girls all have crushes on him. I mean, they fight over him constantly! If he talks on the phone, you hear them screaming 'Paul is mine!' constantly in the background! The X-Men are so jealous, last time he visited, Gambit nearly took a chainsaw to him!" Wanda laughed.  
  
"Yeah, I remember. Remy looked like a rabid dog." Wanda snickered. "You envy Paul, huh?"  
  
"No, I don't!" Darkstar snapped. "I mean, why would I wish to be like Paul? He looks like an 80s rocker, he's hyperactive, he's so cheerful all the time!"  
  
"Paul grew up in a rich family." Wanda reminded. "He had everything, but he isn't spoiled." Craig's face told her she did have a point.  
  
"Yeah." Craig agreed. "He didn't fit my idea of a rich kid. I thought rich kids would be snooty, brown-nosing, self-centered jerks. Instead, Paul is rather down-to-earth. Even though his dreams are rather lofty. Starchild's a good-hearted guy." Craig then looked down at the sand. "I guess I do envy him a little bit. I guess I just act the way I do to him to mask it. I really envy Paul. There are times when I do wish I could've been a little more like him, you know?" Craig softened up, something he very rarely did. "I wish I could look on the bright side all the time like he does. I grew up alone and in gangs. I never was loved. Paul was." Wanda saw something extremely rare, something only Paul had seen before. A small tear rolled down his eye.  
  
"You are loved, Craig." Wanda scooted closer and put an arm around Craig's shoulder. "Paul loves you. He's your brother. Nothing can change that. I guess it's the same with me and Pietro. True, Quicksilver can be an egomaniacal jerk, but I still do love him."  
  
"They say twins have a special link, beyond those of ordinary siblings." Craig said. "I guess that's true. I guess the reason why Paul feels so great about everything is because he knows he has a family."  
  
"Yeah." Wanda agreed. "It is. Paul may not show it, but I guess he envies you."  
  
"Me?"  
  
"You are the tougher of the two. You also are the more streetwise one." The other Misfits watched them. Even though they couldn't hear what Wanda and Craig were saying, they knew something happened. Suddenly, Pietro moved, forgetting about the sharp piece of wood near his butt.  
  
"YEEEOOOOOWWWWWWCH!!!!" Quicksilver leapt out of the bushes, holding his butt and jumping around like a headless chicken. "OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!!!" Scarlet Witch and Darkstar saw him, and they were not too happy to see the speedster.  
  
"PIETRO!!!" They both yelled.  
  
"Let's go!" Todd whispered. He, Althea, Lance, Fred, and Xi disappeared. A growling Craig's eye glowed and Wanda charged up a couple hex-bolts.  
  
"How long were you there?!?!" Craig snapped at a scared Pietro.  
  
"Knowing him, he was spying the whole time." Wanda glared. Pietro smirked.  
  
"But I'm not alone!" Quicksilver laughed. "Lance, Althea, Xi, Todd and Fred are...here?" Pietro turned around and found the others were gone. "Guys?" He looked around the bushes in a panic. "Guys? Guys? Fellas? Oh no..."  
  
"A likely story!" Craig yelled. "If they were there, they would've shown themselves!"  
  
"I guess Pietro hasn't learned his lesson." Wanda readied her arm to pitch a hex-bolt. "I guess we'll have to teach him not to spy on people while they're dating." Craig's eye glowed purple, his laser ready to fire.  
  
"Let's talk about this." Pietro backed away as Craig and Wanda advanced on him. "Look! I'm sorry! Please! Don't do this! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
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"Are you sure it was a good idea to abandon Pietro?" Xi asked in a worried manner as the others went back to the Delgato house.  
  
"Don't worry about it, Xi." Blob reassured. "He's used to Wanda beating the living bejesus out of him." In the distance, the Pit heard girly screaming.  
  
"WAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT THE FACE!!!!! NOT THE FACE!!!! OWWWWW!!!!!!" The other Misfits burst out laughing.  
  
"Man, if I were back in the Brotherhood House when Pietro was in charge, I'd say that he got what he deserved, yo." Toad chuckled. "Too bad Paul couldn't join us."  
  
"Mr. Happy-go-Lucky had love letters to answer." Lance smirked. "Let's watch the tape."  
  
"Let's not tell Craig or Wanda we were there either." Althea suggested. The others nodded their heads. Meanwhile, Pietro was running back to the Pit at super speed, screaming and dodging hex-bolts. Wanda was throwing them. She and Craig were chasing him on Craig's Starcycle.  
  
"I'll get those guys. I'll really get them back!" Pietro thought as he ran for his life.  
  
Well, looks like this little adventure is over! See you around soon! 


End file.
